Fuck my life
2011-02-05 20:40:25 ET

So I tried to reconnect with an ex last night only because we have a lot of the same friends and I wanted us to at least be civil. I told matt about it cause I didn't want him to think I was being sneaky. He said it was cool and we had a normal convo after and said I love you'd before hanging up.

Tonight when I talked to him he was super edgy and whenever I said I love him I got back "you too". Rly? I asked what was his deal and he said angrily "I'm fine " I was like "that's a lie but ok". I asked him once more what was wrong and he said I was bugging him. I told him that whatevers wrong don't take it out on me. He got all flustered and hung up.

He didn't answer when I called back. Great. I wish i knew what flipped his whole fucking attitude in the last 12 hours. If it's the ex thing it's kinda dumb cause he said he was ok with it. Whatever. Ugh.

2011-02-06 13:03:54 ET

Long Distance relationships are so hard.
i had one for 5 years and it was really rough.. it seems like the both of us were always on edge. but when we were together it was like we were never apart and it was soo nice.

but when we were apart it was up and down and way down and way up. the guy i was with would always give me crap if i didn't have time to call him like a few times a day, even when he knew i was busy with work or something. or out with my mom, or at a show. it was like he needed to know what i was doing every second of every day.

not saying Matt is like that.. but he probably feels bad even if he said it didn't bother him about your ex. its amazing what thoughts can do. put yourself in his position, how would you feel if he said he was trying to reconnect with an ex? it would seem ok when it was first brought up..but then when you have time to think about it...even if it is harmless.. it can turn into horrific things in you head =(

2011-02-06 17:02:47 ET

yeah i know. i guess it's cause me as me is 100% positive that i'd never ever get back with him. he seriously tore my life apart. the only reason i wanted to reconnect is so we can all hang out with our friends without one of us having to leave when the other shows up.

but the ex didn't even answer my fb message so whatever. /shrug

i talked to him this morning and i said that if the whole ex thing is why he's upset that he didn't even answer me so i'm done trying. matt was still all crabby so i left him alone until i just now called him. everything seems fine. he said he didn't wanna talk about why he was having a bad day, just wanted to move on from it, said he loved me and we'll talk later tonight.

he said it wasn't about the ex deal, but his mood improved drastically when i mentioned i didn't get a reply. oh those boys...lol

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