2011-02-17 15:37:13 ET

so long story short...matt and i broke up cause of some mental health and life issues he's having...

and i feel like someone told me i can't use my arm anymore...

he made it sound like once he fixes his life he would consider us again...but i'm a realist and i know that fixing himself could take years so i guess i'll just see how it goes....i know i can't wait for him forever...but i'm so terrified i'll never find someone who understood me that well. i've never felt safer, more loved, and more comfortable with myself around any other boyfriend i've had. and i will miss tristan too. he's so cute and i wish i could be in his life more...

i lost two people in this break up...i never thought i could get attached to a child who wasn't blood related to me...and the worst part was i know he got attached to me too....

Canada used to feel like home...now it's like the setting of a life i thought i'd have but maybe never will.

i just want it back...i've never felt so alone...he said he never stopped loving me...i'm just gonna file that under things i'm glad to know but hurt like a bitch...

2011-02-17 16:00:11 ET

Dude, I'm sorry to hear that. I don't ever comment on your entries, but I read them and I can tell from them that you gave it your all and that you were a stellar girlfriend for the guy.

Anyway man, I hope things go well for you here on out.

2011-02-17 18:08:52 ET


2011-02-17 19:29:28 ET

As a girl who has been through this pretty much exact situation with my dude i know how hard it is. but let me give you some hope that it CAN work out. i believe if its meant to be it will happen. and srsly if u ever want to take about it or anything msg me. and im not just saying that <3

2011-02-18 13:37:54 ET

i woke up about 10 times last night thinking "wow what a bad dream...i thought we rly broke up..." before realizing that it was true...which didn't make going back to sleep easy.

and of course if i were 16 hours closer i'm sure all of this would have gone differently.

it hurts me every time i remember he's not mine...and i was talking about him all day cause i was talking to a co worker about video games and stuff...and i kept just calling him "Matt" cause saying "ex boyfriend" literally physically hurts me.

i just want to wake up from this...this feels like an alternate life...and i'm tiring of it fast...

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