I'll never find somebody
2011-02-24 16:40:46 ET

who could tell me everything about every kind of sword. Who loved Lord of the Rings as much as I do. Who would rather go to the comic book store on a date than do something cliche. Who bought me flowers on a bullshit anniversary just to see me smile. Who can see straight through me. Who makes me feel like nothing can touch me when they're holding me. Who sees sex the same way I do. Who I could talk to for hours and not get bored. Who could read my mind. Who showed me things in life I never would have seen before. Who brought me on the sweetest first date I've ever been on. Who actually listened when I said i preferred video games to chocolates and flowers. Who bought me art books for Christmas because he knew they would make me happier than the diamonds all the other girls were getting. Who made me watch movies I refused to watch before because he convinced me how great they really were. Who made me love to read. Who was so intelligent it was scary. Who got so excited when he beat Hades in God of War 3 that he did the tauren dance in his living room. Who's words "it will be ok" got me through the day sometimes. Who would sit on the phone with me for hours while I cried because I was in a new place and didn't know anyone and tell me that he loves me and it will be ok. Who made me believe in love all over again.

..and sadly tonight destroyed my faith in all humanity and love for the foreseeable future. I will never believe a guy when he says he won't hurt me, is different from the others, or he loves me. Those are all things I've come to see in my life are complete lies.

2011-02-24 23:25:53 ET

Oh hun. :( Whatever happened, I'm sorry and *hugs* <3

2011-02-25 02:54:13 ET

basically i called matt to see if this is like a break while he figures things out or if this is for good. he said for good. i asked why...pretty sure i deserve to know why someone who said he wanted to marry me suddenly stopped loving me. he said that i knew why and i didn't need to know anything beyond that. i srsly wish he would get back on meds or something. i'm so tired of dealing with this monster version of the man i love so much.

i took him off my fb and everything. if he wants to be left alone, fine. he can see what it's like to not have me around.

2011-02-26 16:45:21 ET

I'm so sorry sweetheart.

2011-02-27 01:41:49 ET

I'm so sorry.

2011-02-27 04:32:33 ET

i just hope he gets the help he needs. i hate seeing him like this...and his friends are saying he doesn't rly talk to them anymore...he just sits at home playing video games. i hope he comes out of this...the real matt cares about me...and i miss him.

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