2012-01-15 04:20:21 ET

So ryan came over last night and stayed after everyone left. after some pretty good making out i told him he should go home.

he handled it well for what it was...but the fucked up thing is i wanted him to stay. but i'm SO terrified of him not caring about sex as much as i do.

So this morning, laying in bed, alone, i thought about it some.

my past relationship have been 0 to 60 in a week. aka, we meet, go on a date or two, then are in a relationship, and it just keeps going. i've had a guy propose to me after a second date. no lie.

I guess I'm used to guys wanting to move super fast and say the "L" word a month in and of course that never works out. It's too much too fast.

as important as sex is to me in a relationship, i've come to the realization that NOTHING real is ever perfect right away.

I realized i cared about ryan more than i thought i did, and i'm pretty sure he cares about me equally. it's NOT love. lol. it's just mutual feelings. and that's ok for right now.

2012-01-15 04:58:47 ET

Taking it slow is nice. I find that the best way to find someone's intentions is when the "honeymoon" period is over, which is usually independent of sex.

2012-01-15 05:07:20 ET

well we talked about it last night and in the past guys have been like "oh but i just care about you so much" as a way to make me "see it their way" but ryan was understanding and said he was pretty sure waiting wouldn't kill him lol.

we're both physical people, and as much as i wanted him to stay, it just didn't feel right last night. not yet anyway. so until i'm ok with it, my sexy panties are staying on!

2012-01-15 05:16:52 ET

I'm agreeing with you 100%. I was just saying that the time when I know it's really going to work is when people start being themselves more then what they think the other person wants to see.

2012-01-15 05:18:41 ET

yeah i know what you mean. but i have NEVER been a sucker for being wined and dined with roses and candles. i'd rather play COD or mariokart and drink beer. to me, that's more real. and one our second date, i threw ryan into a party with literally 15 people he didn't know and he was so nice and polite and got along with everyone.

again...to me that's more real than some staged dinner, so i think i'm already seeing a real side of him.

2012-01-15 06:05:12 ET


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