2004-11-29 12:22:14 ET|
I think my PMS is closing in on me. Kept crying to stupid tvshows today, usually a damn good sign ;)
I'm thinking alot on Faico (the beautifull doggie), wish I could have taken him before Christmas, I feel lonely, I want someone to hug, cuddle, shower with love.
The darkness outside is starting to take it's toll on me too. I'm tired all day and all I can think of is sleep. The sun isn't coming up over the horizon anymore, and the hours of daylight are shorter and shorter for each day passing. Daylight between 10AM and 1330PM..
I'm praying for some sunshine when I go south to celebrate Christmas with my family, I'm gonna suck up some light then!
It breaks my heart to think of the fact that this may very well be the last christmas my family is whole.. I really think my father will leave early in the new year.. I feel so lost, my family is the most important thing in my life, I so want the family to stay together.. Even though I love my parents to death, and will never turn my back on any of them, things will be different.. When I go south in vacations, I will have to divide my time between them, heart breaking everytime I leave one to visit the other..Jesus, this is killing me..Had it only been an even break, but it isn't. Mom still loves dad, and she is struggeling to come to terms with the whole thing.
I feel so alone, I don't want to tell them how much this hurts, it will only increase their pain, they are having a hard enough time as it is.
Fuck the tears, I'm going out for a smoke.