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2004-02-09 07:10:44 ET
Well I've been up for the better part of the week. With maybe about 7-10 hours of sleep total. But thats nothing. I was talking to some people that used to be my friends in school. It was Saturday night they were over and I got a call yesterday from one of them because she was absolutely worried about me. That was the night I had the dramamine trip. Apparently for the part of the night she was there I was hiding in the corner ranting about something to myself and hysteric. Unfortunately I remember that part of it. She asked me if I was actually serious when I first told her I had some schizophrenic tendencies. I just sat there in disbelief. Is it just me? Do I give off the intent that I am a liar? I then continued to ask why someone would lie about that. Her only response was that some people thought I was lying about that particular tidbit, and they just happened to be friends with her and she believed them. Now I wonder how many people think I've been living a fucking lie. I'm not and never have, I don't speak to people so they don't find this shit out but she was one of my best friends for about 5 years. Last night was the first time I can remember that I sat awake at night and actually started to cry. I don't know what to do apparently nobody believes shit that I say and to find that out. I desperately need out of this town. I am taking a road trip somewhere withing about a year. I know I will make it to my destination and I will leave there, but I'm no longer sure I want to come back here or start over somewhere new. It's time to think about quiting everything.
Damnit I'm having a really hard time lately and I shouldn't be. My manic moods are coming back and theyre becoming very uncontrollable. I'm done with my rant |
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