2004-03-28 07:06:44 ET|
Fuck ummm I'm sorry guyz but this is probably going to be another ranting about my love life. Just a forewarning, and possibly a lot of randomness in this entry.
Man yesterday I realized how god damn lonely I am. It all kinda started when I saw Lee and Amber, well shit theres not much of a story there, they just looked really happy together something I haven't felt in a loooong time. That just depressed me so I decided to leave before someone asked... I was also chatting with Melissa and Cali yesterday they are the two cutest and nicest girls I have ever met but too young and one of them is hardcore religious so that just fucks me over once again... depression at work, great. I unfortunately found some pictures of me and kristel. I cannot think of one time when I almost started to cry because of something like that. I mean I absolutely hate her and hold her in utmost contempt. But we did have some fun until she got psycho on me and adding onto the other stress I've had lately I pretty much snapped. I'm not sure if I'm gonna disallow the comments because of this one but... I was lookin at Tina's new pictures lol both Tino and Jill look pretty fuckin hot, eh enuff said about that. I have a feeling Jill knows what I'm gettin at. sigh, fuck it. I'm pretty sure if comments are allowed I forgot to cancel em, oh well.
My parents figured out why I don't spend much time at my house. They finally asked. They seemed hurt when I told them. It was because they let my psychiatrist put me in the fuckin Providence center (mental institute) for half a month. They thought they were helping, well fuck that. My home life just got fucking awkward.
I'm losing my friends left and right to the most successful cult in the known history of man. I hate Christianity and Catholocism, well not those two particularly but monotheistic religions in general. Two of my best friends have already given everything up to follow their new religion to a "T". Jesse is getting worried, James is as well. They seem to have tasted a little bit of an imaginary hell and they need comforting. The only comfort is in knowing oneself. Lee's father is a pastor and he's the only one besides me who hasn't been affected by the recent events. I have a feeling it's gonna be me and Lee left standing when this blows over. I may loose a few more friends.
I'm just gonna keep going with this. I haven't gotten to get any of this off my chest and it's feeling good.
I still have nightmares about cliff jumping over the summer. I never thought I would have to watch someone die again. I mean the guy took a running start and missed where he was goin to land probably by like 4 feet and hit rock from a 60 foot drop. He was a mess and spitting up blood, 2 other people here besides me know that I saw this, my family doesn't. Jesse and James were the other two there we had to drag him out of the water and try to keep him alive. It did no good we got to watch him die. This is the third time something like this has happened to me. Once a girl on a bike got hit by a logging truck outside my house, my dad was the only other one around and the trucker drove off, yet another person to die in my arms. The other I saw an old guy in a VW beatle get nailed by a huge Dodge truck. It was just me and my mom, I couldn't handle that one, he was a mess I could barely stop throwing up long enough to get away. too many deaths and too many deaths where I'VE been involved.
I need out this town.
If you've actually gotten this far thanks for being curious I guess. I hope you're not a little wierder for hearing about my life.