Sad Songs...

CellarDoor 2003-10-04 22:08:03 ET Well my Great-Grandfather passed away Thursday at 5:30pm... atleast he's in heaven. I've been listening to The Early November a lot. "Twelve days gone by, since I have seen you last, I'll give this one more try, I'll give it all my best, and, I'll ask What could you be doing that is so much fun? Without me by your side, Without me by your side. And, I will take a step back, and, I'll let you ahead, And, I will take a step away, and, see if you come back, Because there's no more trying to make this so right, There's no more trying, There's no more trying tonight." -Sunday Drive I know it's about a break up but it's the mood i'm in.

Neko2631 2003-10-04 22:25:51 ET I'm very glad that you know where he is, at least. Does that help any?

CellarDoor 2003-10-04 22:27:44 ET Yes... what really bothered me was how he was getting there. I just hated the fact that he was intentionally starving himself. I know he was over 98 years old but just think about what it feels like when you haven't eaten the whole day and then multiply that by something like 6 or 7 days. It just made me so sad.

Neko2631 2003-10-04 22:31:18 ET I don't think it hurt as much as you might imagine, love... Things... can be different when you're ready to leave. (I'm really sorry, I don't mean to sound haughty or anything at all like that <=\ )<BR> Do you know what he died from?

CellarDoor 2003-10-04 22:37:10 ET He died from Kidney failure in his bed at home after his wife of almost 75 years decided he needed to be home. I know... I just can't imagine that. He was such a great man. He raised my dad because his left my Grandmom when he was like 3 and really made my dad everything he is today.

Neko2631 2003-10-04 22:50:33 ET You're very fortunate to have grown up with someone like him... and it's obvious that that fact isn't lost on you, and that a good product came out of it. If it's ok, I have a suggestion for you. Call it a suggestion or a request, really... there's a book called 'Evolution Angel' by one Dr. Michael Abrams. It's written as a non-fiction, and the gist of it is that he is an emergency and trauma physician, and certain circumstances in his life and profession have made it possible for him to percieve the voices of what we would refer to as 'angels'. The book is recorded conversations he's had with these angels, and a very wide gamma of topics are covered and a lot of questions answered, although a lot of the answers aren't what most people would expect. I have a strong feeling that that book would do you a lot of good. Ease your mind and that sort of thing. I don't want you to feel badly, but I especially don't want you to feel guilty about anything you didn't do with him... he knows how much he means to you - but I digress. I'm sure that you know all of that. ^^'

CellarDoor 2003-10-04 22:59:42 ET Hmm... I have actually heard of 'Evolution Angel' but never really thought to check it out so I will have to now since such a nice, very educated girl like you has told me about it. I like the concept of it already so I will read it when I get a chance and write a report for you. Thank you very much for all of what you have said tonight. It's not that I'm sad it's just I feel like there was so much left that he was supposed to teach me... that he was left to tell. When I found out about what was happening I wrote this poem that really helped me express what I was feeling so I am a lot better now.

Neko2631 2003-10-04 23:13:32 ET I see what you mean then (more than I did before)... It's really hard to lose a life teacher. I'm very glad that writing helped you feel better. I don't really have a problem with death, because I know, for myself (it's a belief thing ^^') that we're all safe after we die. But I got all of my information from Evolution Angel. And no need to worry about writing a report for me or anything... it's for you. Don't feel obligated to talk to me about it, unless you want to - in which case your talking is most welcome. ^^ Thank you very much for your amazing compliments! I looked around your bio and your pictures, and a few of your old posts as well, and I've instantly gotten really good vibes from you, which is rare, but I'm not complaining. I don't know you, but I like you a good deal already. ^^' I origonally came here to tell you thus (so now I will): you, the girl you love (whom I assume is your girlfriend ^^), all of your friends, and your entire family are all COMPLETELY gorgeous. It astonishes me, actually.

CellarDoor 2003-10-04 23:34:01 ET I do not feel obligated at all... I am not an obligation feeling kind of person. I hate those kind of people who turn a friendship into an obligation and really don't fully express the full nature of what they want out of the correspondence... it upsets me very much. Takes all the truth and love from life and makes it into a business... a chore that they do day to day. So I am very much not like that at all so no worries. And it is you that is so nice... thank you. I don't think I'm gorgeous though but I won't turn down a compliment like that. And the girl I love is my bestfriend Megan... she's incredible and I love her to death but she's my best friend in the world. I am glad that you got a good vibe from me... I looked at a few of your art postings and I really enjoyed your previous posts... so I guess I am also saying that I got a very good and purely positive vibe from you.

a fire inside 2003-10-05 01:13:59 ET Im sorry to hear about your loss.

Neko2631 2003-10-05 10:14:01 ET Trust me doll, you are really quite good looking. ^^' *blush* Furthermore, it makes me inexpressably happy to hear a bit about your definition of friendship. I'm afraid I'm used to catering to people of the opposite sort, but I'll gladly keep your opinion in mind in our future dealings. It feels tremendously good to meet someone who holds friendship in virtually the same reguard as I do. I really look foreward to getting to know you better, and thanks again. ^_^d *thumbs up*

CellarDoor 2003-10-06 19:49:37 ET a fire inside - Thank you for commenting... it's okay now that he's gone. I just ahted to know that he was in any sort of pain. I always pictured him as having a very unpainful, very quiet death and just knowing that he was starving himself worried me about both his mind and his body and what pain he was in. But atleast he is in a better place. Neko - I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction to my statement so I am quite relieved that you weren't taken aback to my opinion on friendship. I'm so glad that you by chance happened upon my post... I am really looking forward to learning more about your thoughts on religion and other topics that I have not been able to talk to people about lately. It's strange how the end of one amazing relationship can bring about the formation of another one. There was a lot of truth in Semisonic's words afterall.

Neko2631 2003-10-06 20:28:59 ET ... You give me shivers, man, shivers. Good shivers. Shivers that make a giggle bubble up in my throat. (I hope you don't mind if I break from traditional jive lingo in our conversations once in a while... I got the feeling that you wouldn't mind ^^' ) I'm really quite glad that I happened apon your post too... your avatar caught my eye, actually. ^^ It's really lovely that you're looking foreward to talking philosophy and all sorts of things, because I really do want to get to know you better. I'm on email and MSM Messenger at neko2631@hotmail.com, but both my Messenger and my email refuse to work on my home computer. I DO get to check my email about once a week though. As far as direct contact is concerned, this is probably the best place. PMing or just talking in a journal post works great for me, as I'm on here every day. Whatever you want to do, really. ^_^d

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