*wipes away sadness* I will help you hate her...
2003-11-04 20:11:20 ET

My friend Matt(the boy who likes to set things on fire) has been chatting with a girl online that met over his Xanga site. She is gorgeous... likes Brandon Boyd... definite winner. Well so he goes to Plano(where we are from) and this girl lives nearby... so he takes her out on the town. And he pulls out all the stops.

Incredible job on his date... definitely one of the best I've ever heard of. So she wants him to comeover and see her Tuesday (this date happens Saturday or Sunday) so he agrees. She gives him directions and all that and tells him what time to comeover. So he gets there ontime and everything and she doesn't answer the door... he calls her... hangs out for like 20 mins. but she still isn't there. So he drives all the way back to his house... in silence.

He calls her at 9:00pm(i told him to try on more time) and she answers. He tells her that a weird thing happened to him and goes into the story... she tells him that she was sleeping. He says okay... (awkward silence and all that)... he says well i am going to go... she says "i will talk to you online".

Matt: i dunno here is the thing
after what happened tonight
i dont want to feel anymore dude
i'm sick of love
i'm sick of hope
and i can't let that happen
i need to do something to live again
to breathe again
to feel

I am so sorry MATT...

"Love... it's a motherfucker."

2003-11-04 20:14:37 ET

so true cellar. How much happier we'd all be if we just avoided Love?

2003-11-04 20:20:20 ET

we'd be happy yes... but we'd be missing out on so much... i know that i am lonely and sad and everything that comes with rejection... but i would do it all for love.

i don't know... you just have to accept the hand you are dealt at times and just stay in the game.

2003-11-04 20:22:32 ET

True. But that hand, in my case, seems to be a losing one. I fold and will join the next.

2003-11-04 20:29:20 ET

you can always bluff your way to a win...

2003-11-04 20:30:03 ET

I don't have a good poker face. I've made my decision: I fold, deal me in next round.

2003-11-04 20:33:21 ET

I would teach you how to play so the next game is better...

2003-11-04 20:35:11 ET

no, I've got weird emotional problems ... which may not actually be all that weird. Mostly I just go very depressed. Which is a losing hand by any standard, and not really able to be hidden.

2003-11-04 20:35:31 ET

and why I'm mentioning things like this to a total stranger is way beyond me. Especially in a public place.

2003-11-04 20:43:04 ET

*huggles Code* This is a good place for such mentioning. You'll find wonders of support here. ^^

Cellar... are we sure she wasn't actually asleep, or... was it pretty obvious that such wasn't the case?

2003-11-04 20:43:47 ET

*crosses leg over knee* I zee I zee... *puts pencil to pad and straightens out glasses* Are you afraid of... how do you zay... opening up?

(sorry... feel like i'm getting a little freudian on you)

2003-11-04 20:44:31 ET

Well I believe she was sleeping... but she didn't even apologize... no sign of remorse...nothing at all.

She was totally unfeeling at all.

2003-11-04 20:45:56 ET

I'm not afraid of opening up - just dunno why I'm doing it to absolute strangers who may get the impression that I'm a bit clingy or otherwise mentally deranged. *shrug*

*huggles Neko* thanks Nek.

2003-11-04 20:49:58 ET

I do not think you are clingy and I'm pretty sure Neko loves you no matter what... you are free here man. I make no judgements til the end.

I open up a little too fast too... but I've been guarding my heart lately. It's tough but it keeps me safe.

Neko just tricked me... Darn intelligently amazingly gifted girls.

2003-11-04 20:52:17 ET

sorry... I'm still sorta trying to get myself to upswing back into a good mood, but the overlooming executioner's axe of three assignments, plus the fact that I don't want to go to the tutorial tomorrow (I could, I suppose, just sleep through it, but that sets a bad precedent and I need to do the stuff on it anyway) ... *sigh*

2003-11-04 20:54:39 ET

Hmmm... I say do what you have to do and then take sometime for yourself... find a nice sunny park and sit uder a tree and just start writing your thoughts... it's a great exercise for your emotions.

2003-11-04 20:56:12 ET

*snickers* I _have_ no thoughts. No relevant ones that are worth writing, that is. Hell, _I_ seem to be not relevant.

2003-11-04 20:56:29 ET

AHHHH CELLAR I DO THAT TOO!!! XD XDDDDDDD With the pencil and the clipboard and the spectacles... ^^'

I tricked you? What? What tricking did I do? *perplexed* ....Ohhhhh wait I get it. Ok. *gets it*

Aye... I try not to judge either. I may get a little peevish at times... but that's part and parcel of knowing someone. As long as we're willing to get past any such peevishness, we're good. ^^

...If you're feeling bad, why try and force yourself to feel better? Feeling down has its own value, you know. And as long as you don't WANT to stay that way, your mood will swing back up without force of will. You'll see. ^^

2003-11-04 20:57:55 ET

Neko, anyone who is normal would swing back up.

Me, on the other hand, I have to consciously (I have no idea how to spell that correctly) keep sharp and/or pointy things from me.

EDIT: yes, I have had professional help in the past. She deemed me alright to be on my own. I just ... have to ensure that I am.

2003-11-04 20:59:50 ET

CELLAR? *SQUINTS at you* READ THAT BOOK. -.O *eyes you*

2003-11-04 21:00:50 ET

....I understand where you're coming from love, trust me. ... do you have a good life?

2003-11-04 21:03:30 ET

:oD _(enter thing i'm not supposed to say)_

I sorry if that came out confusing... that's the last thing I want to do.

I find writing is quite exhilirating... just try it one time. If nothing comes to mind then just take a nap. Being in nature is always good.

2003-11-04 21:05:09 ET

...not yet :o(

I haven't been able to find it.

2003-11-04 21:05:16 ET

that to me Neko? I'm fairly sure I have a good life.

Good friends, mostly (more about that some time), lots of musical ability, I seem to be intelligent (more than most - just going by my relative marks in school), but for the life of me, I can't get the one thing that matters most to me. So, I think I'll just stop trying. It'll either happen or not. But I haven't the energy any longer to try for anything.

2003-11-04 21:28:17 ET

Just don't wory, and try to cherish the good things... it'll come to you. I'll help if I can, ok?

2003-11-04 21:30:41 ET

I think I just seem overly depressed and fatalistic - I doubt I'm as much as I come off.

And Neko (and to a lesser extent, Cellar), thanks - you have helped ... all I really need is an outlet when I get depressed; I can't really ground myself emotionally.

Not to mention that normally I feel a slight drain on myself just being. Which is really strange. Fortunately, it's become less of a burden.

2003-11-05 09:33:48 ET

*le sigh* Aye, it is a familiar and shitty song you sing... *cnsoles*

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