Thinkin a little... Which is a lot for a dumbshit like me...
2003-11-09 18:02:40 ET

What can I call my own?

What is mine that no one else has... that no one can say "I have one of those" or "That's actually mine... I just gave it to you".

I have nothing... Nothing of my own accord. Everything I own is intertwined with another's existence. Nothing is solely unargueably mine. And it started me thinking...

What is the true definition of ownership?

Because I haven't a clue... To me, ownership can't be summed up simply as being monetarily purchased. It's not that simple. I see it as being all one's own. Every step is yours... you were willed by your own thoughts to create something. Not buy. Not steal. Not take from another's own creation.

And then a voice in my thoughts starts to get louder and louder the more and more I think until I finally cannot hear anything else except for "HOLY SHIT JOSH... YOU ARE CONFUSING YOURSELF!!!" ...And I just want to quit while I'm ahead... while I still have some "pep in my step"... some "pride in my stride".

I hate being so self-degrading...

An Aside: Okay... I can deal with the 7:45 band practices that go on about 100 feet from where I sit... it's cool cuz it helps me wake up BUT AT 10:00pm AT NIGHT!!! What the FUCK are they thinking!?!!?

It's dark outside!!! March during the day DUMBASSES!!!

Seriously... motherfuckers....

2003-11-09 22:00:27 ET

you know what, we all get ourselves thinking about things like that sometimes.

yah, it's hella confusing, and frustrating too.. but it's things like that that make things interesting, ya know, it's nice to wonder things so much that it hurts sometimes ;)

2003-11-09 22:07:27 ET

I find myself hurting a lot lately. I'm just in one of those very thoughtful moods.

At first I think I'm on to something new... some amazingly complex way to explain the simplistic and then I realize that it's just me trying to be overly poetic.

I need one of those electronic shock leashes that keep dogs in yards. They are completely hated by me when they are used on big dogs(you shouldn't own a big dog unless you have a big yard) but I still think I need one that'll keep my thoughts in check.

I feel like I'm a lot of hot air lately.

2003-11-09 22:10:10 ET

Oh I know exactly what you mean... sometimes you just let yourself get out of hand, and it's hard to control.

Sometimes that can be a good thing, but other times it just gets frustrating and exhausting.

Venting helps a lot.

2003-11-11 20:04:31 ET

...Is it a bad thing to not have anything that's really just yours?

2003-11-11 20:11:46 ET

...I think so.

I want to make my own niche... my own existence...

I want the meaning to my life to be apparent to me...

I want to be known for "something" if anything

2003-11-11 20:16:23 ET

Ahhh so it's not so much that you're looking for a THING that is all your own.. you're looking for SOMETHING. Yes?

2003-11-11 20:20:39 ET

Right... the ownership bit is more just for being solely mine... it's more something that I can call my own...

you know?

2003-11-11 20:23:28 ET

Aye. Your own little place in the Universe.

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