2004-09-24 20:17:30 ET

Let me ask a quick question to those who read this...

If one night you got drunk at a party and really just wanted to go home but your friends didn't let you so you wrestled with one and got your keys from him and then they both told you to "just fucking leave" and swo you did... but you came back to make sure that they would be able to get a ride and if they were sure they didn't want to go home also and was anzswered with more expletives so you left. You then got lost going the wrong direction on the highway and hit a broken down car on the side of the highway(no one was inside thank god) and you were arrested and in the cop car called one of your freinds and told him what was happening and then you went to jail. And you stayed in jail for 24 hours until you finally got a hold of your parents at 11:00pm at night and got them to bail you out. So after this... you call all your friends to let them know you got out of jail... but wait they don't answer so you leave a message... they still don't call... two weeks go by... they don't call... another week. Nothing. Then out of the blue one calls you and you guys hang out and you let him know that your are pissed... he says you are an idiot for being pissed... you ask him "Why didn't you call my parents to let them know where I was?" No answer. Then about 4 hours ago your other friend who you wrestled the keys from IMs you online and goes off on you for leaving them so far from home and all this and says that you are just being stubborn and trying to blame it on other people... and all you said was that he's not your friend anymore cuz friends just don't ignore them for 3 weeks like that no matter what.

And that's where I'm at right now. My bestfriend is not speaking to me... my other friends are ignoring me... and it's my fault.

Is it? I mean... I'm the one who is going to owe all the legal fees... all the court hours and fines... and insurance... and have no car anymore... and all I'm mad them about is leaving me in jail for 24 hours and not talking to me for 3 weeks... am I transferring blame? I don't think I am but if I am tell me and I will apologize... cuz all I want are my friends back... I want people to talk to cuz I have no one... well that's a lie... but I need MY freinds... the people who have been there for 5 years but I don't consider what happened friendlike and I don't want that in my life... but if it's normal and natural for me to just write it off as their fault let me know cuz I will apologize.

Man... the above post is absolutely crazy. But hopefully it makes some sense.

2004-09-25 15:16:19 ET

I'd say to Mr. person-in-the-story that he doesn't have friends. He has amiable acquaintences who use him for fun or company (because you know, if you're alone, that makes you a loser, of course). Maybe your relationship was fantastic once. Something like this should NEVER have happened and I, personally, would rather be alone than put up with ASSHOLES like that. People like that make me seethe inside. And that's why I AM alone right now. If I were there, I'd make sure you weren't alone, but I'm not, so all I can do is...I don't know. Tell you that you should do what's right for you. And also, to expect some standards. Standards keep you healthy.

I don't know the guys, I don't know what y'all have been through, but I do know what it's like when friends treat you in a way you should never be treated, but you stay with them because you're so terrified of being alone. It's natural not to want to be alone.

And for God's sake, it is NOT your fault. Just because someone is pissed at you and tells you that you did something wrong, certainly doesn't mean that they're right. In this case, they aren't. You can certainly apologize for anything that you honestly feel you did wrong, but other than that...maybe you should just leave it at that. Doesn't matter what you might have done, they should have supported you and done the right thing. At least you went back to check with them about the ride, for their sakes, even though they were being jackholes.

Maybe it doesn't have to be all doom and gloom for you. Maybe it doesn't have to be "this was unnaceptable so it's over." But if you really talk to them and they still tell you that you're wrong and refuse to admit that what they did was wrong...well...I don't know. Maybe it's time to re-examine what kind of friendship it is. Just don't...bend over because they're righteously pissed. That doesn't mean that they're right.

I also have a question for you!! You love Donny Darko...what's the name of the "theme song" of that movie? I love that song.

2004-09-25 20:35:48 ET

...thank you so much for this.

I needed this to be said very badly.

And the song is a cover by Gary Jules of the Tears for Fears song "Mad World." It's an amazing song really is starting to catch on so long after it's release it's quite funny.

2004-09-26 18:13:34 ET

*exhales sharply in relief* ...Someone a couple of years ago sort of killed my willingness to try and offer advice to people, and I was trying to...well it doesn't matter. I'm just really glad that it helped you, at all, and also that what I had to say wasn't recieved as pushy or...etc. ^^'

So thank YOU. ^_^

But in all seriousness...you really don't deserve that. I mean it. Don't...feel like you need to go out of the way to just "let it slide," ok?

2004-09-28 05:34:04 ET

it is not ur fault at all..friends dont do that to people.

it hurts when they leave u hanging and dont call.. they should have known better, and in jail..i cant imagine whatthat would have been like. I hope everything is ok now

2004-09-28 05:44:35 ET

It's still being sorted out with my court date and other such legal things... but socially I have pretty much reached breaking point. I just work and go to school and not having a car... I have to use the bus routes and ride my bike. So it's a trying experience and yet I feel incredibly stronger than before.

I just really need it to be all finalized legally before I can be okay with it... does that make sense?

And I am jealous... I wish I went to school in Japan.

2004-09-28 07:41:47 ET

yeh it sure does make sense..the legal side of it is something that will always haunt u. I hope all goes well with it when u find out the date.

My name is Jen by the way, nice to meet you.

It is so good that u feel stronger than before, i hope this lasts.
Are u at university or high school? I am studying at University here, it is full on..gets even harder tommorow.

2004-09-28 09:19:25 ET

Nice to meet you Jen... my name is Josh.

I hope it lasts also cuz I am just exhausted in everyway possible.

I am a Junior at Texas A&M right now studying Industrial Distribution but I am at home in Plano Texas right now cuz I am more than a semester ahead and really needed a break so I am working and taking some Physics courses that I need here at the community college. And this class isn't that bad... I just have been working 30+ hour weeks at my job and I haven't had anytime to study... and my prof can't speak english very well but that's just excuse #2 if I don't get a good grade.

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