2003-10-29 12:01:12 ET

I am supposed to have one.
I mean, I am 20 years old and I dont even have many friends.
Real friends I mean.
I love my friends on here, and the few I accually know in person are great.
But, the people I have wanted to stay friends with are gone. I have tried so hard to be someone, anyone, who is happy. But im not, I never new i was a cynic, but i more resently found out that is exactly what i am.
And now more then ever i wish i could just stay home and here forever.
I am perfectly content on staying in the house and being depressed all the fucking time, and that isnt right.
Its just not right.
I cant think, too much all at once.
more later.

2003-10-29 12:58:07 ET

you know, as lame and cliche as it sounds, you're the only one that can change your life and you're the only one who can make it better. and it's not right, you deserve to be happy. i found out my problem is, i don't let myself be happy.

2003-10-29 21:05:38 ET

I have that problem.
And i also feel like i dont want to be happy
i dotn know life is a pain in the ass.

2003-10-31 06:17:27 ET

*hugs* I know what you mean.
I did that for nearly a year... and I wish I could tell you the secret to making it go away.
Just remember to get up in the morning, and eat at least once a day. (believe me, going several days without food, repeatedly over a few months, fucks up your body and takes forever to fix). Do any stupid little thing that you enjoy... even if it's wasting money in the toy aisle at walmart or getting stationary at staples, anything like that. Little thinge are good.
And eventually, it'll pass. Good things come, it just takes a while sometimes.
Wish I had more to give you. <3

2003-10-31 20:21:15 ET

Thanks Sami/megan. I miss life really.
ANd reading how others are like me helps.
i feel less alone.

2003-11-01 21:02:53 ET

Reading helps. Writing helps, but you don't always want to read it afterwards. Just get everything out until you can't write anymore, and put it away.
If there's any physical activity you like, try doing it as much as you can. LIke, I've this weird liking to pushups (don't ask, i don't know), so when I'm really bad, I do pushups until I can't move anymore. Sure, can sometimes suck sleeping on the floor because I can't move enough to crawl into bed, but I feel better in the morning.
Take words you like, find them in a thesarus, then see if you can change any of them into names. Like Tlucco, a character I have for one story... occult. Yes, I'm easy to amuse.
*hugs* let me know if you ever need to talk. I'm also good at playing tiddlywinks with manhole covers and making hotcocoa pancakes... and am very drugged and tired. <3<3<3

2003-11-02 08:06:12 ET

;) you make so much sense. I love to write..
Hum.. stories..
sounds like good clean fun to me.
I am so not a wake right now.
Fun fun. have to work in a few hours so i need to wake up by then.

2003-11-02 11:15:35 ET

At least I make sense to one of us! ;-)

2003-11-03 08:54:47 ET


2003-11-08 19:05:27 ET

And just because friends are far away doesn't make them any less real, hun. Just less available sometimes. :-(

2003-11-08 20:45:49 ET

true. but it sucks either way.

2003-11-10 12:54:52 ET

Well, just keep in mind that you do have friends who loooooove you, hun. :-*

2003-11-12 06:10:30 ET

thank you.

2003-11-19 04:02:32 ET

Yea even if they are on here!

2003-11-19 12:38:11 ET

Hey dear!<3 I know how you feel. Sometimes you just want to sleep away every day. Not talk to anyone... but you still miss everyone around you. I wish I could make things better and hold up the walls from crashing down around you. Remember : You are a sweet sweet grrl and I hope the best for you in yr rough time. I'm always here if you need to talk darling. You've got a lot to offer and yr writing is beautiful.

2003-11-21 10:23:43 ET

Your such a sweet person.
Thank you so much. And I am just glad to know that I am not alone. and that people are here for me. Especially on days like today. and I am glad that you are here for me. Thank you so much.
And the same goes to you, if you ever need to talk I am only a click away. :) Its nice to talk to people who care.

2003-11-23 13:23:55 ET

I'm always here. And thank you the same for being there for me as well. You are already a dear friend.

2003-11-23 20:01:47 ET

:) thank you. same to you. I am glad to have met you.

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