2003-02-11 19:35:46 ET|
All i want is to be beautiful. or feel it any way. to be told by some one besides my family and friends that i am pretty. I want some one who loves me, in the romantic sence, to say it.. i know its all wishful thinking or what ever but i want to be loved.. I dont know why i am so depressed about it really. but i am ... and it hurts so much some times that i dont even think i am going to make it through the day. but i always manage to do so. maybe not service with a smile but atleast i am living it out with out trying to die. I used to be like that, wanting to die, but i just am not any more. though some times i wish that something will just let me die, kill me or something. I want to be beautiful, and happy, and not have thoughts like i have.
I want to be in love, i have never had that. never been inlove.. not once. i know that many are like me, or so i expect but is it to much to ask to be loved by some one other than family and friends. maybe, i dont know. i mean there is God who loves me. but i dont know. i am rambling a lot and i dont knwo why. but i will move on.
so how any way. its hard i know it is, i deal with the pain of it all the time. but i dont kow. goodness i am going to cry. egad..