All i want is...
2003-02-11 19:35:46 ET

All i want is to be beautiful. or feel it any way. to be told by some one besides my family and friends that i am pretty. I want some one who loves me, in the romantic sence, to say it.. i know its all wishful thinking or what ever but i want to be loved.. I dont know why i am so depressed about it really. but i am ... and it hurts so much some times that i dont even think i am going to make it through the day. but i always manage to do so. maybe not service with a smile but atleast i am living it out with out trying to die. I used to be like that, wanting to die, but i just am not any more. though some times i wish that something will just let me die, kill me or something. I want to be beautiful, and happy, and not have thoughts like i have.
I want to be in love, i have never had that. never been inlove.. not once. i know that many are like me, or so i expect but is it to much to ask to be loved by some one other than family and friends. maybe, i dont know. i mean there is God who loves me. but i dont know. i am rambling a lot and i dont knwo why. but i will move on.
so how any way. its hard i know it is, i deal with the pain of it all the time. but i dont kow. goodness i am going to cry. egad..

2003-02-11 19:39:33 ET

What about Draco? He told you that you were beautiful. And he was a stranger.

2003-02-11 19:40:35 ET

Buttercup, I'm right there with you. But why can't someone who is close to you telling you that you ARE beautiful make you feel better? I mean, as a girl, I totally know where you're coming from. I constantly feel inadequate. I'm sort of kind of not really seeing this guy, and he tells me I'm beautiful, but even then I don't feel it, you know?


2003-02-11 19:41:49 ET

ah, I feel the pain...I have grown a lot since my very first relationship when I was 16...I went out with a very bad man who made me believe that I was not better than the pretty models of a corrupted society. I was so jelous, and our relationship ended after a rocky year to my defeat. I was hopeless without him...but I got over my hurts and pains...most of them that is. I started getting very pro active about feminism...or more abouts...the sexual exploitation of women...this gave me a new power that I could never have...I could be better than a man, and twist them into anything I wanted...sounds so cruel now...but it was even worse at the time...I dont know why I made the decisions that I had made...but now I am point is...Find your true inner self to its finest degree. Practice what you are good at, and find things that make you feel good about yourself. From me, you are a very lovely lady, and never let anyone ever tell you otherwise...
Femme Fetales on the move

2003-02-11 19:43:43 ET

Rix: I dont know.. draco well, he never called.. and yeah..Wonderful friend you are rikki and i love you

Joce: i know how that is. I dont really understand why i feel that way but i do and sometimes it hurts to be with the people i love when they are inlove, i feel gone, out of the world, like i dont matter.. i dont know.. but I love you to Joce.. you are a great friend

2003-02-11 19:48:01 ET

But I love you more. You want I should break his knees?

2003-02-11 19:49:26 ET

whos knees? dracos? na.. hes a cop now so its not a good idea

2003-02-11 20:20:46 ET

All the more reason.

2003-02-12 00:06:27 ET

It's completely natural to want someone to love and love us in the romantic sense. I feel that way alot too.

2003-02-12 03:18:24 ET

Crys, I can kind of see where you're coming from, because I think every girl gets those feelings of inadequacy, especially around this time of year. ;) Thinking you don't matter is not the way to go. Reminding yourself that you deserve better than a lot of what's out there is better. :) You're an awesome fried, too, Crys!

2003-02-12 05:46:30 ET

Thank you guys so much...

Joce: I know yes the time of year. Maybe. Venereal day. Sucks but its not just because I am alone its more because it is so happy and because I hate giddy holidays.

2003-02-12 05:51:09 ET

You stole my term, you term stealer!!

2003-02-12 06:58:33 ET

yep yep i did.. and i was gunna say i stole it but i didnt.

2003-02-12 08:25:15 ET

You heathen. :-P

2003-02-12 10:09:48 ET


2003-02-13 09:04:40 ET

don't fall in love babes... it hurts too much. i would have rathered never experienced it than go through the shit i'm putting up w/ now...

2003-02-13 13:41:43 ET

i know.. bre.. i love you.. your coming tonight right.. will you stop by before the concert?

2003-02-14 13:38:14 ET

Indeed. "Love hurts." You all know the song. Take it to heart, kiddies.

"Screw love, pass the rum!"

2003-02-14 16:01:02 ET

I want rum

2003-02-14 16:10:55 ET

I want some colby jack cheese

2003-02-14 18:50:51 ET


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