2003-10-08 15:16:47 ET|
I've been doin' my thang, traveling the streets of the LBC, checkin' shit out. I got to the top of this one hotel and digested some high-elevation for a bit. I found a tiny record store with gobs and blobs of records (I bought a used Joy Division CD). I also found the coolest art supply store I've ever seen. They have 3H pencils...I love 3H pencils.
Long Beach is so nice. I bought a Neitchze book called "Antichrist," as well as a copy of "the Communist Manifesto." "Antichrist" is really intense. It's a straight assault on Christianity, and on philosphy as a whole. It's such an unrelenting book. There's lines that I love, such as:
"What is there that destroys a man more speedily than to work, think, feel, as an automaton of 'duty,' without internal promptings, without a profound personal predilection, without joy? This is the recipe par excelence of decadence and even idiocy"
Pretty neat there FRED!
I worked at a food bank yesterday. I've discovered that I want to pursue getting a degree in social work. It makes perfect sense to me. I've been in quite a debacle over what I want to pursue in education, but working at the food bank cleared that up. So I feel really positive about that aspect of my life. I'm happy because this is something that I can start on immediately, by means of charity work. I can gain experience while I help others. Beautiful.
As for the household...it's getting better, in really fucked up kinda ways. It's cool 'cause I get to sleep in Alison's room all alone and comfortable. While she's away taking slumber in places that I totally don't wanna know about, I'm all cozy, dreaming of beautiful things. Sure, it's a bit depressing at times to be kickin' it alone in your ex-girlfriends' bed while she's out all night doing her thang, but let's be objective here: Her bed's comfy, and I don't have to sleep on the floor.
That's really how I'm trying to look at everything that's going on right now, and it's really benefitting me. It's hard as fuck, but I'm determined to not let this thing hurt me, but help me.
Alison seems to respond to me with utter annoyance or apathy and it really makes me upset. And I think I'm the only person that she treats this way. Like, 'what the fuck? Why me? What the fuck did I do to you that's so bad that you talk to me like I'm a pestering child?'
I don't understand and I wish we could talk about it, but that seems impossible.
Whatever. I'm trying to get out a lot. Let my eyes feast and my mind relax, ya know? Trying to maintain positivity. I'm gonna get through this shit just fine.
COMING NEXT POST! Just when Daniel least expected, he finds true love...Coffee and cigerettes! ALSO, don't miss when Daniel goes out on Saturday and gets a little too tipsy at a show/bar/club. Will he score the digits? Or will he be carted off to a nice night in jail? TUNE IN TO FIND OUT!