2004-03-03 15:42:48 ET

"But even within this sadness I feel a great leap of joy and a great desire to love simply at the sight of a hill against the evening sky." Camus

Sadness has found its way back into my daily routine. I am back into the forced habit of waking up very early (no matter how late I was up the night before) and walking to get coffee and talk myself out of my somber mindset. This process is effective. But I find that once I walk through the doorway of my apt, I am sad all over again.

It's quite disheartening and I wish it would leave. The way to alleviate this sadness is to find the root and analyze how and why it got inside of me.


I can't stand it. I'm in a place that I've visited before. A place in my mind where I can't seem to stop tearing my hair out, can't stop talking endless jargon of self-pity and over-analysis. I WANT OUT OF THIS GODDAMN PLACE!


I hate where I'm at, so I'm gonna go. Walk to nowhere and let my eyes absorb the last bit of daylight before the night comes and I have no escape.

2004-03-03 15:54:41 ET

camus? as in the stranger?

2004-03-03 16:05:33 ET

That's the reason my brother claims to not want to date anyone at all.

General chics are so fucked up.
(Which also makes me wonder, what the fuck were people thinking when they dated me...)

2004-03-03 17:53:28 ET

I'm going to edit this entry. I find it annoyingly over-turbulent.

Please excuse this upgrade.

(Si...Camus as in Da Stranger)

2004-03-03 18:37:09 ET

bah. What's wrong with unsaturated emo?

(a lot, if it happens 3 courses a day)

2004-03-04 03:49:24 ET

Ugh...I am relegated to the low fat version; why o why do I get teased in my absence? THE WOE!
Anyways, enough of that shit.
Senor Dan-yell, no! I am sorrowful at your meloncholy state, especially since I don't even know how to spell 'melon-collie.'
Hmmmm...what can I contribute that might make you feel a twinge better?
Here here some nice things I have discovered with one of my cohorts here in New York:
* There is a man who rides my line of the train who is blind and plays the accordian. We got to talking with him and he is from Brazil, has lived in the US for 16 years and plays his accordian 10 hours a day. He also had a good knowledge of politics.
* If one rides the 6 train to it's termination point at the Brooklyn Bridge, you can crouch down and it will take you on a ride around an abandoned part of the train line where the very first stop on the MTA train ever was; it as original tile work and a brass chandilier. (We didn't discover this--we read about it in Time Out for Students...but it was still illin'.)
* There is a place near my neighborhood in Queens that is a huge lot just full from corner to corner and wall-to-wall with amazing grafitti art....I will take a picture.
* There is a Russian grocery store in Brooklyn where bearly anyone speaks English.
* There is a Halal food cart on the corner of my street every day and the food man sells me the falafal sandwich for 1 dollar instead of two.
* I went to a grocery store in the lower east side and some ho tried to cut in front of me like all New York City folk seem to love to do...I told her where to go and then some, ha HA.

I have more, but I'm at work and it's only my 3rd day; I don't want to get my ass kicked. Take Care, m'dear.

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