The Family Plumber
2004-12-20 23:58:46 ET

I was talking to a friend today, whilst getting mexican food, about a movie plot I came up with:

-There'd be this plumber who always serviced this one family's home. And he was known as "The Family Plumber." But the fun thing about this 'family plumber' is that he is simultaneously having sexual relations with EVERYONE in the family, even the kids!

-I was thinking that it'd be all erotic and hardcore at moments. I was thinking of scenes that would involve underage sex. I think those scenes would be best treated with alluding sequences, courses of physical action that sort've lead to the inevitable, where the imagination of the audience ultimately does the work.

-Then, with the overage sex, you can have outright nudity and boobies and shots of wienees and sweat and all that! And it can be all emotional!

-Then, at the end, the audience would find that each family member was secretly causing mishap and meyham with the plumbing in the house, thus prompting the Family Plumber to return and give 'em all some hot secret sex!!! And that'd be the end.

It's be one of those movies that end all non-existent. Movies like that are kinda stupid. But that's probably my favorite type of ending to a movie, one that ends in pretentious meaninglessness - they feel the best.

2004-12-21 03:26:54 ET

there's this french movie called like "THE LITTLE LADY'S SCHOOL" or something about a school that teaches women to be prostitutes (upper class ones) and for one of their assignments they like rape this guy that comes to fix the plumbing (or maybe it was the lights or something)

also there's this comic called "THE TUNER" and i forget the author. It's about this piano tuner that always seems to fuck the people he works for.

2004-12-21 07:23:20 ET

I feel like this movie already has been made; I think it is called "Layin' Pipe, 24/7."
Hmmmm...might call for some investigation.

2004-12-21 09:19:02 ET

human resources you can take advantage of when you develop the list of casts:

2004-12-21 11:04:04 ET

"Layin'Pipe, 24/7" That's a perfect title. Perhaps this was the movie you were thinking of:

The plot seems a bit different than what I had in mind, but I'm totally open to new ideas. It's already such a cliche idea, so if I could mix it up a bit, that would probably yield better results.

I'm now going to tear the head off of my neighbor's child. I'll be back later.

2004-12-21 15:37:33 ET

Damn it, the picture isn't showing up. Now I'm going to writhe in anticipation.
It is a cliche idea, but you could put a new spin on it, you know, something the whole family could enjoy, like some bullet-time special effect gang bang, or maybe a Pixar collaberation with lots of wacky and fun computerized animals on an adventure that just happens to lead them into the world of the Family Plumber. See, this is something that hasn't happened yet: the family friendly porno. Why hasn't someone done one of these yet? This is the direction the Family Plumber should go in.

2004-12-21 22:04:30 ET

DAMN IT! It's not showing up! I totally found the movie you were talking about, but it involved many-an-African-American woman involving themselves in sexually-compromising scenerios, ala PORN. With this movie, I'm not going for porn, I'm going for the new level of EROTICA!!! You know, the Nabokov-esqe easy-shock syndrome that gets you involved in a real way, except not so intellectual (or well-written).

I agree with you totally. The concept of family porn has got to be the next big thing. I figure, as soon as they start teen dating shows, we gonna wanna see what happens after the date, right? We're basically using the whole obsession towards underage sex and creating a masterpiece. The Family Plumber will the first, the blueprint, the cornerstone!

And the special effects, I think that idea is BOMB!!! We can totally get some Matrix-shit up in this. Like, I'm thinking shit where the camera would start in the underbelly of the house (where all the pipes are), then move hyper-fast forward to the room where the co-motion is at! And you'd see this cool cut-away of the house while you're traveling up.

I was thinking of famous people that'd I would want to recruit. That main kid from Malcoum in the Middle would serve as the perfect teenage sex-obsessive boy. That, or the kid from the Sixth Sense. We could do this relatively low-budget, but this is a high-end concept. Like, this movie would be shooting for cultural revolution.

'To make a movie so openly suggestive about ideas that counter traditional values and expose a greater reality of the immediate culture that we live in today' can be the bitch-ass catch line that we're gonna use in executing this project.

Another one could be 'the first theatrical event that will repave everything so that the 21st century will have a place to drive!!!'

And pending on sponsership, we might even say something like " that the HUMMER of the 21st century will have a place to drive." Then shit would really get hot!!!

2004-12-22 07:09:23 ET

You have hit a main artery with your needle of cinematic brilliance! People wouldn't be ready for this shit at all; it would like BLOW their minds. BUT....BUT with a perfectly orchestrated marketing/advertizing campaign, complete with vauge non sensical teaser ads to start off the buzz and then fill in with more illustrative ads as time goes on, people would not only want to see this movie, they would need to see this movie. Their minds will be addicted to the possibilities that The Family Plumber alludes to...or rather, teases towards.

I think your tag lines are Hollywood Gold, all of them. The more intellectual of the three is the tag line that would play during the preview that came before British dramas or art house movies.
The second tag line would play during the preview that comes before family and teen comedies. The third tag line (while not very different in words than the second but will definetly resonate in a different way with audiences) will play before shoot-um-up action and martial arts movies.

Scholars say that historically, at the turn of every new century there is a marked drop in significant artistic influence around the world, and that about 10-20 years into the new century, a boom in relevent artistic influence rejuvinates society. It is almost 2005. This is just the kernal, my friend. with time, the money can be raised. With experience, the reputation could be built and the necessary actors will get on board (Malcom in the middle kid and Sixth Sense kid are both great choices, but they will probabley be too old soon. I bet the littlest Culkin and Dakota Fanning could be in our movie in 5 years). In 5 years, we could be ready. Our first vauge non-sensical ad that would be posted atop bilboards and taxicab ad boards will say "The revolution will not be televised; it will be in theatres."

The ripeness is afoot. The time is at hand. Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

2004-12-22 13:31:55 ET

God-damn, that's fucking good! "The revolution will not be televised; it will be in theatres!"

I think the apporach being layed out is very dynamic, something that hasn't been seen yet. We gettin' all the fucking angles down! I think this movie will indeed herald a new era.

"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war" (did you make this? I love this statement!)

2004-12-22 13:36:25 ET

I only wish, dude; 'Cry havoc...' is Shakespeare, from Julius Caeser to be exact.

  Return to De Funkt's page