2005-02-14 09:56:26 ET

Wow...sure wish I had the classic bleeding-heart "I'll never find true love" syndrome for this wierd and questionable holiday, but instead, I feel...well, tell you the truth, I feel virile!!! YOU KNOW YOU HEARD IT! I'M FULL OF VIRILITY!!! COME AND FUCK ME TILL I CRY!!! COME AND FUCK ME TILL I DIE!!!

Wow...lame? Yes, but I think that'd kinda be cool to throw into a song. I'll get on it right away. Hit me up in a year and I'll have it ready. Until then, fetch me a bottle of whiskey and a pack of cigerettes. And pick up some food on the way. Oh, and before you get back, can you try to put on something a little more enticing? What? Is it rude for me to ask that you look at least half-way decent on this wierd and questionable holiday? Whatever. JUST DON'T FORGET THE WHISKEY AND THE FUCKING CIGERETTES!!!

And with that wierd and questionable digression, I shall bid goodbye and hope that all of you get what you want on this wierd and questionable holiday. And please, remember one thing: DANIEL LOVES HIS FRIENDS AND IS DOWN FOR THE 187 ANYTIME!!!

Here's a quote for all you soppy, pissy, sore, bitter, heart-bleeding muthafuckas:

"The shamefaced suffering of the abandoned lover is not so much due to being no longer loved as to knowing that the other partner can and must love again."


2005-02-14 10:56:59 ET

(source of screencap: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=VIRILITY )
Feel free to express all your virility on Brad Pitt, meanwhile, try to grab that purse for me, then mail it to me as a v-day present.

what's 187?

2005-02-14 22:39:57 ET

For some reason, I think it's wonderful that you don't know what 187 means. 187 is a police code (in the USA) for murder. Perhaps you've heard it referenced in some of the older, classic gangsta rap ala west coast, CALIFORNIA?

Hey, I could get virile on Mr. Pitt for a mean amount of time, but what I can't do is get you that purse. Oh, and what a damn-fine purse it be.

(embarrasing personal opinion: Gwyneth Paltrow totally murders Jennifer Aniston's bitch-ass. If he wanted to leave Gwen, then fine. But to pursue some cunt like Aniston? That's like Paul McCartney being with Linda McCartney for all those years. What the fuck? I know Linda's a good soul and a good person and all-that. She probably touched Paul's soul in some deep-meaning cosmo-connected type bullshit, but fuck! Linda was, and is, as stiff as a corpse!

Some might want to add on "what about John? He got with that ugly bitch Yoko!" Yoko obviously has some wierd next-level charisma and you can't fuck with that. Yoko's on some other shit. Anyone who would diss Yoko just ain't be knowin. Paul was cute, but John was fine.

Okay, wow. I would say "another wierd and questionable digression," but instead, I would be forced to respond that this has been an unwierd and totally answerable digression into the land of utter unimportance. I apologize for your waste of time.)

2005-02-15 08:07:52 ET

I've never heard of 187. I've heard of DWA from Simpsons, that's the closest thing I can relate to. I mean, I must make an embarrasing confession: I'd say I don't get 80% of what you say on your reply, because I don't catch up on entertainment industry's soap opera.

2005-02-15 13:14:20 ET

What about being down with the 213?
For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. -Rainer Maria Rilke
WORD Rilke. Them Germans always know how to express why things are hard.
Man, I have to admit. I know Val Day is a fake holiday, alright? Synthesized straight out of the sticky mucus of Hallmark's bile. I know this. In the midst of knowing this, however, I am a holiday lovah. I love all holidays, I love celebrating things, I love giving shit to people, I love BBQ's down at the park with frisbees, I love cuddling up to the fireplace drinking seasonal warm beverages, all that shit, I loves it!
So when a person like me is confronted with a crappy holiday like Valentine's Day, I feel half cynical/half wanting chocoate and celebration. I'm just a human being.
And don't forget about the other reason to party down Valentine's Day. Tommy Guns, moonshine, back alleys in Chicago...that's what lub is all about.

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