Home Is Where You Are Massacared <sp?>
2005-09-12 16:02:09 ET

have you ever gotten to the point in your life that things seem to be going to bad that it seems near impossible for things to get any worse? well, i was at that point maybe three years ago. but what do you know, things just kept getting worse and worse. i moved away from my bestest friends in the world and the town i grew up in to a foreign place. my parents are right now in the middle of a divorce. i only see my dad everyother weekend. thus, i only see my friends everyother weekend. dont get me wrong, i have some friends here, but nobody yet that i can talk to about anything. i need to be with people i can trust and rely on. because my mother right now is nobody i can trust. she flies off the handle way to many times for anyone to trust her. i am so afraid that i will do something wrong or mess up in school that she will just loose it. my father on the other hand is depressed, unemployeed, and on the verge of alchoholism. i have neither my mother nor my father i feel good living with. moving to NY was supposed to be a good start, a "fresh slate" in my mothers words. really? this has just been becoming worse and worse. i found out tonight that the house is going on the market next saturday - the first day i will be in sparta. i am in no mood to be there when strange people are comendering my space! i grew up in that house. i dont want to see it go. it is bad enough that i am not living there anymore, but to be reassured that all my dreams and memories fabricated in those walls have not only been covered with peach paint, but are also going to be melted away. i should always be happy that i get to see either one of them. i am happier when i am away from them. i need to leave. i honestly need to leave this place before i start to fall into the sequence i was two years ago...

2005-09-13 11:45:27 ET

Changes... everyone says they`re necesary, unavoidable, but... fuck!, they HURT EVERY time... We want it all, but it looks like we'll never have it, and we've never had it anyway.
I like your style. Keep in touch.

2005-09-13 15:31:17 ET

thanks for the style complement :-)

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