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2005-06-13 14:20:08 ET Ever have one of those times in your life, be it a week or several months, where you just feel completely and totally anti-social, misanthropic, to the point that the sight of another human being causes you to feel physically ill? Well, I am having one of those weeks right now, actually, I was having one of those weeks last week, and I swear, even if people do not actually see me, it is as though they can pick up on my negative vibes and chose wisely to leave me be, lest I snap their necks in my irriation. I rarely if ever get angry, but lately, it seems that every little slight, or imagined slight is magnified ten fold, I am letting things bother me that never would have in the past, and I dislike the feeling intensely. A certain amount of vanity is inherent in each of us, if you have ever looked at a mirror before you left the house, you are vain, but that is different than caring what others think of you, which I feel I might have started doing lately, which really bothers me, since my identity is that I do not care about such meaningless things, people either like you, or they do not, there is nothing you can do if someone chooses to hate you, most likely, it has nothing to do with you in the first place, but I think with all the stress surrounding me in my life currently, stress over leaving my family and all my friends here in the So of Cal, what I am going to do with myself, my future in general, it has begun to affect me in a negative way so I think I might just take a step back for a bit, try to stay out of the limelight until I am feeling better prepared to deal with all the nonsense. The more I consider it, the more I feel that my move to Florida may be the best thing for me at this point in my life, I believe I am at a crossroads and the decisions I make in the next few months may shape what I am to become in the future...or perhaps I am reading way too far into this, I have been known to do so in the past. So I am just going to forget all the other B.S in my life and simply focus on enjoying my last few weeks here with my family and my boss friends, you know who you are! Ah, but I do digress, constantly and unceasingly, please let me know if my prattle bores you, I swear, I shall consider doing it less often. I do not know how often I will get the oppurtunity to update in the next few weeks that will be rife with chaotic happenings, this week I only have today and Wed off, the rest of the days I am working, I do not know if I am even going to be able to make it to Bunker because of my work schedule, which is just as well, since I am not really feeling the whole club thing right now, I go through my moods. I am however going to Wumpskate tonight, and I cannot skate so that should be interesting, I might just sit and observe others, I think of myself as a Watcher rather than an active participant, I get valuable insights into people that way. Ha ha, one amusing thing that did happen to me last week was that I was approached by some blonde porn star and was asked if I would be interested in doing "adult work?" Ah, only at Maschine, the craziness. ~_^ |
