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2004-03-31 11:09:50 ET God Is Dead Transcribed from: Comedy Central Transcribed by: Matt Morrison (herogreenlantern@hotmail.com) Cast: Bruce- Philosopher 1 Mark- Philosopher 2 Kevin- Skeptic 1 Scott- Skeptic 2 Dave- A priest Man- Announcer [Scene: A room that looks like a giant shoe box made to look like a dollhouse or a diorama (remember those from elementary school?) This whole skit is shot in black and white and has the tone of a fifties school film both in music and acting style.] [The philosophers sit and, and drink and stroke their beards until Bruce turns to Mark.] Bruce: God is dead. Announcer V.O.: Yes. "God is dead", cried Nietzsche. And the cry has been heard for years. But for each philosopher, there has been a cynic. [Scott and Kevin pop out of nowhere] Kevin: No way! Scott: Prove it! Announcer V.O.: And that is where the argument has stalemated... until now! [We see a man holding a small body. Two other men stand in the back.] Man: God IS dead. And here is the body to prove it. [The cynics appear, their hair messed] Kevin: You've just blown my mind! Scott: Our minds have been blown! [We see the philosophers, looking very smug] [A doctor examines the body and nods sadly at the camera.] Announcer V.O.: The world is shocked. First to find out God did in fact exist and second to find out he was now dead. [We see a montage of crowd scenes, and various people looking stunned, ending with a shot of a sad priest (Dave)] Dave: I've got some good news and some bad news. [Dave motions to the small coffin he stands next to.] Announcer V.O.: But the world was most shocked to find out how small God was. [We see several images of wind pushing around trees, lightning storms and a flower blooming in sped-up time during the next speech and finally the man holding the small body again.] Announcer V.O.: Imagine winds.... storms... the miracle of life. All from this tiny God with such tiny hands and feet. Man: He's really light, too. [We see Dave hold up and turn a small jacket. It has GOD spelled out on the back.] Announcer V.O.: Yes, God did exist. He died. He was very small. Mystery solved! [We see a mother and her daughter holding candles and crying.] Announcer V.O.: The world has a brief period of mourning. [Cut to pictures of trucks going down the highway.] Announcer V.O.: And then it's business as usual, on the streets and highways that God built. |
