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2006-07-27 05:24:53 ET He was an Ethiopian eye-socket whore. Shy, twelve, with velvet eye holes. Black as ebony, blind as a mole, they called him Mayonnaise Face since he got shot in the eye so damned often. And then, about a week ago, when he was getting tagged by some wealthy eastern-bloc businessman, he set off a half kilo of czech semtex that was strapped to the inside of his colon. After that no one called him Mayonnaise Face any more. They called him Boom Butt. You could say he caused quite an uproar. News of the happening caused a bunch of Moroccan peg boys to rise up in armed revolt against their undilated masters. The uprising was soon put down, however, since the peg boys all suffered from the same physical disadvantage - bowleggedness. Post-revolution they were punished with mason jars. This, of course, they turned to their advantage by smuggling untold amounts of Afghan hashish in the ass-laden containers. Money from these operations was funneled into the Great Ass-Fucker Conspiracy which was also behind all the Mexican donkey shows. One of the smuggler peg boys was named Tom Tom and, when he wasn't peddling his "dilated third eye" (as he liked to call it) he would make some extra cash by depositing and withdrawing various forbidden items at various portside ships. He'd just show up, grunt a bit, and offer to sell you his slightly soiled goods. Drugs weren't his only thing. He also dealt in various batteries. He says they got him "charged up". One time he even smuggled a living fetus for some girl with ovary depletion. It went straight from his ass to her uterus. That shows you the power of properly applied pressure and Vaseline. |
