Father Gregory.
2006-08-30 07:12:31 ET

In his will Father Gregory stipulated that his corpse should be flung across the church walls and into the nearby kindergarden to "give those fucking children a taste of true mortality." Actually, the real reason for this request, Father Gregory smiled to himself, was that Father Gregory was a right bastard who only joined the church for the women. This, of course, explains the sudden rash of widely heralded miracle "virgin births" amongst the nuns in the nearby convent. They had been widely publicized for the past few decades and such events (albeit rare in the recent years) have brought many a pilgrim soul to his flock, some of them quite free with their donations to the church. Who knew that nun-fucking could be so good for the collection plate? Alas, God smiles upon all. And masturbates, so figured Father Gregory.

After all, if you had the power to peek into any and every corner of the world, what would you look at? Father Gregory reasoned that God's real name was Tom. As in Peeping Tom. In fact, for a good part of his life Father Gregory was quite paranoid about going to the bathroom, going as far as pissing while sitting down with a newspaper covering the gap between his legs through which God could peek and see his genitalia. He should be so jealous, thought Father Gregory. I've got a holy host for a member. A fucking eucharist. And everytime it shoots its brains out on some nun's back (or when he lost control, into her womb) the world's sins are absolved. And if the world's sins are absolved who will go to Church? No one. And God will be fucked. And that, concluded Father Gregory, was why he had to keep the holy light hidden between his legs everytime he had the urge to piss.

Ah, but soon he'll be dead. Dead. No more newspaper covers. No more nun fucking. No more cumming during the holiest of Holy Communions. And once more the world's sins will pile on like some hellish mountain, its height overtaking the Babel Tower itself and reaching up and out and impaling the sky. An infinite sadness descended upon Father Gregory and he realized that mortality was quite near. For him. And eventually for everyone. And that is why his corpse was to be flung upon a crowd of unsuspecting children. For their own good. And because he is a right bastard.

2006-08-30 07:19:10 ET

I'm not gonna read that, I could end up getting killed.


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