2005-02-20 18:27:37 ET|
Ugh...so today was rather traumatizing...but it's important it happened...
You all know I love my dog...but even then, I took her for granted. She's fine, thank god...but when your critters get sick, and you're afraid it might be something really serious, you start thinking about what life would be like without them. Life would be empty without Ashby. I realized today that my peace of mind relies on her well-being more than I ever thought. My sun rises and sets on her happiness.
A few weeks ago, I was having thoughts about giving her up. I felt that she deserved more than I could offer, as I work so damn much and have no energy. I wanted her to be with a family that had a yard...maybe another dog, too. With people who have more time...or at least more energy...for her than I do. I felt that my hesitance to do something about these feelings was selfishness. Then I thought about how she might feel about it. I didn't think she would be too happy about living somewhere else, either...even if it meant she might have another doggy friend.
Since then, things have changed a lot. But today, they took a complete 180. Today, I thought she might be seriously ill... Blood in your urine can mean a thousand different horrible things, but thankfully, it's usually a UTI....which from her point of view is horrible...and I completely understand...those things are fucking painful.
I want to give a shout out to my outstanding parents (even though they don't read this thing - it's just an excuse to brag about how lucky I am) who drove 45 minutes each way to spend 3 hours in a waiting room with me worrying, and then pay over $200 for her treatment, because I know *I* don't have the money...and then buy her a 40lb bag of dog food on top of all that. I don't deserve such great people in my life...but I have them, and I am so thankful I could...spit. Or something. Eloquent, I know.