Bite the wrong flesh.
2004-01-30 21:42:58 ET

I wonder if my life is just an illness that terminates with death.
I did go to ‘meet’ this girl again, I felt so... needless to say? As usual, way to shy, but this time I had like a weirder feeling of madness, so I think I behave really different to what I really am, ugh, like trying to be talkative or something... owe, my endless word, pathetic. I even feel really embarrassed posting this. I feel like puking my brain. All this mix if thoughts and feelings confuse me even more on whether asking myself the right question... when is all this going to end, or going to start?

2004-01-31 09:56:48 ET

You are not pathetic. I admire your shyness. I think it is MUCH better than if you were just trying to screw her or whatever.

2004-02-03 07:35:15 ET

much more people are shier than you ever can imagine.
When you get used to embarrassing yourself, you will become much more open.

2004-02-04 18:43:04 ET

Whenever I do not feel like embarrassing myself I am super shy. By the 7th time someone has met with me, if I haven't embarrassed myself yet, the friendship shall never go further.

Shyness is in no way pathetic, it can be a positive attribute.

2004-02-04 20:58:00 ET

I think I've get used to feel ebarrassed, perhaps, that's way I didn't tell much of what happened; i acted a little different from what I normally do, I tried to be more 'talkative' (something I don't seem to be very well) so I didn't knoe much to talk about and perhaps said pretty boring stuff, I don't.
Yet, I think this shyness of me comes to me more when is someone I don't really know but I'm about to know, or something..., because obviously if it was about someone I didn't care I wouldn't mind acting normally.
By the other hand, I think I also felt really weird this time because I felt in middle of something wrong. My friend, Susy, who used to be my violin teacher, had talked me about her, April, and apparently they hated each other, and I just don't know what to do.

2004-02-05 04:53:55 ET

are you two going to meet again?

2004-02-07 19:17:29 ET

Mh.. strange, I haven't talked to her since then, it's been long. But I haven't seen her online, so I dunno.

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