2004-03-20 22:21:07 ET|
My bitched life, ...but mostly, my fucked up mind.
Past Friday I went out of school with some friends to a bar and get drunk. Fuck, it had been really, damn really long since I didnít drink, so I ended up too drunk, yet Iím not a good drinker, my friends told me about their other days of drinking and they so seem to be like really proud drunks, and I think I also feel proud of having drunk friends, but like I said, Iím not a good drinker, neither I wish or feel likely to become a big drunk like them, but having to deal with many other mainstream-cocky-childish-ďnormalĒ people that often are looking me as the fucked up weird shit in the orchestra, that do makes me feel proud of having drunk friends.
Whatever, I was 2 pm when we got drunk then, so at 3 pm when we all were coming back to our homes I was too dizzy I wish I could have had some sleep then, but I couldnít because we had to play a fucked of concert at 7 pm in some shit-hole place of seminary for religious-christian fucks, like for those who want to become priest or stuff. But the concert was at 8 pm, so when I got there the dizziness had gone away, and that made me wonder, how would it be like if I ever get to play drunk? heh, it would be interesting.
Also, Iíve completely seen that many of the reasons why Iím constantly feeling like crap, is not like the reasons that other fucked up people also feels like crap, many other people feel like this way either because they have had issues with their family, their couples, friends, job, school, society, etc., but not me, whenever people starts showing off how fucked up they are, I donít anything to say, like the others, that have troubled parents, that have troubled people, that had passed out by drunkenness or drugs or whatever, because I have never had such like that, because my problems really seems to all in my mind, Iím not socially talented like many, my ďfucked up experiencesĒ come mainly from my mind, all my fucked up mind, so I donít know now what is worst, to suffer like many others, or to suffer like I always do. At the end I canít escape from suffering.