I'm afraid to talk, I might say something stupid.
2002-07-07 13:46:01 ET

Today I went to a regional museum because in the auditorium a quartet was going to play chamber music. I stayed there, I listened, and again I got impressed of the passionate music.

Some interesting fact I noticed. While I was walking in the street suddenly some feather fell down to me. I didnít know where it came from, I didnít even look up to see if a bird passed by, how strange it was if like it had fell down slowly just so I could catch with my left hand. It was so pure white when I took it. I had it in my hands some time because I liked the way how it felt. Then, a while after I noticed how it got so dark gray. My hands werenít so filthy, I swear I washed my hands before going out. I started to think of how this was a metaphor of some things in my life. Sometimes the more I try to care for something I like the more I mistreat it, not on purpose. That, I think, was my own psychological reflection of why I was a shy kid, and still shy. When I do give a fuck about people I really donít give a shit, but when Iím interest in something Iím SO afraid of ruin it, so I just watch and listen.

2002-07-07 14:33:28 ET

i'm quite a sideliner myself. I've never had such a premonition as that feather, but sometimes i've felt that when i befriend somebody i don't bring them much good. That's a beautiful way of picking apart that scenario, though.

oooh, and your newest drawing: absolutely beautiful.

2002-07-08 12:49:59 ET

Perhaps there was some other "message" for you with that feather. Are you the type who sees things as being either black or white? Because the truth is, there is a huge grey area that nobody likes to acknowledge because it cannot be easily explained as this or that. It just "is." It's taken me a long time to accept this because I'm so logical and practical (a Virgo thing I suppose, LOL!) and I always liked order and sense. But sometimes things jsut happen for no reason at all. :S I don't know you that well but from what you've written you sound like someone who likes to be in control and yet life is anything but orderly. Maybe you just need to stop trying to control everything? Just a thought. I hope I'm not projecting my own things here...cuz that's been MY lesson in life. I just thought...what you say is so similar to what I've thought, maybe we had that in common.

2002-07-08 19:34:06 ET

I don't mind you posting your stuff here, you're welcome, because as I said, I prefer to watch and listen from others to learn than having other learning from me because they might be disapointed of me.

And yes, well, I do like having a nit of control in some things, not everything: My passion for science = control; My passion for Art = not much control; Both = philosophy.

2002-07-08 19:46:24 ET

interesting.... i like it.. ill keep reading!

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