2004-08-11 18:41:01 ET

Well, it has been very long since I didnít showed up here, sometimes because I was tired, but mainly because whenever I had something to write, at the moment I sit in front the computer me mind goes blank and had nothing to say, and instead I browsed for other pages about other stuff.
Iím back to school, Iíve realized how some people has gone, a friend and I were wondering hoe many of us are going to be left at the last semester, or even yet, how many are going to finish the career. Heh, and to think that the only thing that motivated to study a career was that I was still interested in only learning more mathematics for fun, but not for doing research works, lab practices and such, I as solely naÔvely interested in solving new math problems. Bleh, Iím a fucking disgrace.

As about the orchestra thing, well, I keeps the same shit things. The director now said something about not welcoming students with piercings, tattoos or any junkie or goth orientated people. Thatís a fucking joke, bitchass motherfucker, what a fucking bullshit is that? Thatís fucking discrimination. The last year, there still was a friend who was a fine goth lady and his boyfriend with a piercing and green-dyed hair, both playing in the orchestra and everything was ok. Now that many of the grown ups have gone, the ambient is a more family-orientated atmosphere, my ass, so I look like the spooky one just because I wear black and donít smile and laugh as much as them. But of curse, in this city were if you dare to have a tattoo or piercing or just be weird it almost means youíre a criminal. Bah.

Iíve realized that the precise moments of anguish in my life are the very edges of my awareness, that is, just before going to sleep, and just after waking up. In those precise moments I wouldnít mind having someone shooting my head or fall straight to hell. Am I just really malfunctioning my mind? I never get to have a peaceful day, in my mind.

2004-08-13 10:33:22 ET

hey, i'm here. I read it all, just feeling quiet and blank myself.

2004-08-14 06:05:39 ET

thanks. You're always nice.

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