Psychosomatic addict insane.
2004-10-20 20:37:13 ET

Today I got fucking mad in the rehearsal. As usual, on Wednesdays the director goes off and he leave his son, the principal of cellos, in charge of the orchestra, so he was conducting and as usual the becomes really a pain in the ass when he does that because he just shows off a lot trying to tell everyone how to play their instrument, believing heís the all mighty virtuoso in there; when it came the part of a violin solo I played he showed his cocky face saying that I didnít played well and a bunch of bullshit of how to play like he wants (not like it should better be), fuck him, he practically scold me and criticized me in front of all the orchestra. Fuck it. I didnít play around, I did try to perform the solo part with my best and he just reprimanded me like that; shit on him, I know I didnít play it like a damn concert master but, fuck it, I neither played that horrible.
So fucking shit on it, bitchasses, so no one likes me, Iím still the fucked up black sheep, no one needs or depends of me, nor misses me for something, so Iím fucking futile here, huh? I damn wish I could just go, what would anyone care? So everyone is the same without me, huh? Iím just here to be their pain in the ass, fuck it then, I wish Iím the stone on the way of all their ass fucked lives.
Fuck it, I donít know if Iím mad or terrible sad and decayed for the moment, I do know that I'm tired of trying to do my best for nothing; someone kill my breath, I just want to close my eyes, Iím off to sleep.


2004-10-20 20:44:38 ET

fuck all them! i bet you were great.

2004-10-22 19:39:30 ET

Yeah, well... I'm not feeling mad anymore. As before, now I just have to think of them as bullshit and don't care a shit of them. That's it, just give a fuck on anything.

2004-10-24 08:57:23 ET

yeah.

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