Pezzo Capriccioso
2004-11-02 19:14:53 ET

Sorry for not updating again in a while. The whole weekend got internet problems again, but it seems theyíre all solved now, finally the LAN and the Internet work fine at the same time. The audio problem is fine now too, so as for it goes with the computer Iím quite content finally.

Well, what to say, if someone ever wants to find me depressed Iím very available within 7:30pm and 9:00pm, yesterday got me some killing thoughts about my pathetic life, ...my isolated mind, I always end up becoming aware of how alone I feel, and of how Iím so bad at being social, Itís always sad the Iíve never been like a best friend for someone but I do have considered some for me. Like from the very few persons Iíve known, just a few ones I saw them as close friends but they didnít see me as their close friend, Iím just another of their many friends; itís like itís always me who gets interested in people but no one interests on me. Ugh... maybe Iím starting to sound corny and desperate, but thatís nothing but the same thoughts I have at night when coming back home from the rehearsal, itís always the same. I know maybe I could bare with it if I were even colder and indifferent person, like an hermit... but I canít help it, I feel alone. I wish I could talk or confide with someone with same interests to me. Maybe Iím just not made to live, Iím just fulfilling a tiny piece of matter in the universe, perhaps thatís my only purpose here. Whatever, one day Iíll truly go insane...

Today the temperature went down drastically from yesterday. Today really I had to put a sweater on, yesterday was as usual quite warm, but today was way colder, it seems the cold winds have finally arrived.


2004-11-02 19:28:11 ET

lmao. your funny. i think i'm your biggest fan. i actually relate the most to you more than anyone else on this site. i feel the same dude. and very desperate. at least you have friends! you are incredibly intersting. just remember that and if people can't see that it's their loss. i find the same thing happening with guys, its always me who has a crush on them and they never feel the same back, it's very depressing and lonely. know you are not alone, i understand.

2004-11-03 17:47:55 ET

Thanks, I actually think myself when I'm having these thoughts, when walking in th street at night coming back home, feeling loney and such, I actually keep asking myself why can't I meet people like there are here in subkultures.net, really, my city seems to be so mainsttream at times. SO I do really wish I could find people like you; Thanks for undesrtanding.

2004-11-03 19:03:28 ET

i hear ya about meeting people like on here in person. the people here(st. louis) that are into goth etc are extremely clickish and dramatic, why cant i meet someone with the same interests thats normal(not normal but just not with a bunch of drama-a gossip) i gotta wonder about us. maybe we're special. i feel like when i meet someone like that it will be a friendship forever.

2004-11-05 20:32:56 ET

Thanks again. I... uhm, love your glow, moon.

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