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2004-11-02 19:14:53 ET Sorry for not updating again in a while. The whole weekend got internet problems again, but it seems they’re all solved now, finally the LAN and the Internet work fine at the same time. The audio problem is fine now too, so as for it goes with the computer I’m quite content finally. Well, what to say, if someone ever wants to find me depressed I’m very available within 7:30pm and 9:00pm, yesterday got me some killing thoughts about my pathetic life, ...my isolated mind, I always end up becoming aware of how alone I feel, and of how I’m so bad at being social, It’s always sad the I’ve never been like a best friend for someone but I do have considered some for me. Like from the very few persons I’ve known, just a few ones I saw them as close friends but they didn’t see me as their close friend, I’m just another of their many friends; it’s like it’s always me who gets interested in people but no one interests on me. Ugh... maybe I’m starting to sound corny and desperate, but that’s nothing but the same thoughts I have at night when coming back home from the rehearsal, it’s always the same. I know maybe I could bare with it if I were even colder and indifferent person, like an hermit... but I can’t help it, I feel alone. I wish I could talk or confide with someone with same interests to me. Maybe I’m just not made to live, I’m just fulfilling a tiny piece of matter in the universe, perhaps that’s my only purpose here. Whatever, one day I’ll truly go insane... Today the temperature went down drastically from yesterday. Today really I had to put a sweater on, yesterday was as usual quite warm, but today was way colder, it seems the cold winds have finally arrived. |
