like wanting to enter inside the mirror
2004-11-10 18:43:42 ET

Damn, Iím still without resting enough, I donít know why, I try to go to bed and sleep well but the next morning, when Iím a classes Iím dying of sleep, I feel like just throwing myself to the floor and rest there.

Fuck, I daydream more than I live in real life. Part of my depressions are probably due the fact that I feel so defeated trying to have a social life that for long time Iíve invented a lot of fictional characters and imaginary friends. Shit, I donít know even why Iím mentioning this, I sound so pathetic, but oh well, hereís like another of my double life. Iíve written here in things that Iíd never share to people I know I real life, so maybe the few people that have once read me know some more personal stuff that Iíd talk with anyone I know in real life.
Maybe Iím divagating, what I was about to say is that I feel bad that I really canít seem to fit in group of people, really, I always find myself so different from them, or at least the people Iíve met, for example from the people at the orchestra I never seem to agree at most of the stuff they say, if they all find funny something I find it stupid, if I find something interesting they find it boring or bad.; from the guys at school, sometimes when talking they all seem to be really social persons going to clubs and having lots of couples and such, and that sort of intimidates me cuz I never know what to say about. Holly shit, really, I have more of another fictional second life in my head like I said, with invented characters in situations... I could almost write story... mmh, maybe a graphic novel, ...crap, Iím starting to sound pathetic again, I better go to bed now.

2004-11-10 20:48:45 ET

Once again I can relate. I really wish I had more of a sense of humor but things most find funny I find dumb and I also agree about things I find interesting no one else seems to. take for example the many deleted entries that no one commented on that I thought were interesting obviously no one else did. Sometime I think it's cause I'm smarter than other people but I know I'm not at all. I feel so stupid them with their excellent way of werding things and I stumble around trying to make people understand me not quite grasping the right wording then someone comes along and words it perfect and I feel so dumb. get some sleep.

2004-11-11 19:06:38 ET

Yes, that same I was thinking; sometimes I think that the reasson I don't have their sense of humor is because I found really stupid for me, but then again I know I'm not a smartass either to consider them stupids, so it's only me that I can't find it funny.

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