rubato morendo

Malkavian 2004-12-14 21:38:36 ET I feel so damn shitty right now... Today after the rehearsal, I... uhm, ...there’s this girl, but also one guy who just… uhm, well... I don’t know why I thought for a moment that I could... ahh, shit, forget it... what am I saying... senseless... I’m pathetic...it seems I’ll keep wandering alone forever. As I said previously I told myself I was going to start drawing again, so I did. Finally I took the pen and a blank sheet and started drawing like I used to. I sort of finished today and wanted to show it here, but the bitchass motherfucker Scanner piece of shit isn’t working well. It does scan, but it scans it in pink color. What the fuck? Like if it was something of the colors configuration or something, but no, everything seems normal, I kept scanning and it all shows it in a red-ish pink color, fuck!! I’ll try to go to a computer place or somewhere else to scan it. Today it was colder, and my room is the coldest in the house. So, I was just about to take a bath, when I noticed I don’t have anymore clean underwear, so I’m doing fucking laundry at 1 am, it should be out in a while. Maybe I should get 365 changes for the rest of the year, hah. Well, it’s a fact -again- that I’ll be spending Christmas eve alone. My parents will leave for a week on next Sunday, I didn’t want to go with them because I don’t enjoy being in family trips or family reunions; yet it’s not completely me desire to spend the night alone... just not with my family. I wish there were someone else, but who? Well, fuck it... what am I going to do? Maybe eat pizza, walk by the streets, by on internet, listen music, hit my head to a wall, draw something, watch the tv or a movie, whatever, I’m useless to anyone.

innerbeauty 2004-12-15 07:06:13 ET I'll be alone forever too. That's odd that the scanner is scanning in pink, I actually don't think I've ever heard of that before! I used to paint, but I haven't really done that in over a year. I'll basically be spending Christams alone too, although my family will be there.

Malkavian 2004-12-15 21:16:00 ET yeah, fucking scanner it pisses me off, why pink? I don't understand it, the only thing I can think of, is that maybe the lamp isn't reflecting well the gamma of colors and it displays them in an erroneous contrast or something thus it appears as pink... but I really don't knot for sure. I'll see if someone else can scan it for me. It sucks to be alone. Well... emotionally alone. I certainly am not that much into cutting myself, but it’s mostly the word “myself”, I’d rather like someone else do it hehh. (sounds masochist?), bah, I don’t know, I’d really wouldn’t care if you or someone comes and starts cutting me hahh... mmm, blood. whatever, so I'll just have a pizza for christmas...

Olorin 2004-12-20 03:45:29 ET man, the easiest way to stop being alone is to get laid ;) when you do, you radiate something that attracts women. (not my idea, but it seems to be working). once you start attracting women, all there's left to do is to find the right one... which is a completely different story, and is much much harder than just getting laid. sad huh?

Malkavian 2004-12-22 00:03:32 ET o_0 yeh... well... if only I weren't so traumaticly shy with women.

Olorin 2004-12-22 00:26:23 ET that is also the easiest way to stop being shy :)

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