sweet dreams are made of this...
2006-05-03 11:17:41 ET

Four days ago, last Saturday, I had the weirdest dream:

I was having another of these youth orchestras selection, where we meet people from other orchestras and play altogether to give a concert, like we’ve done so many times.
Well, after one rehearsal, some of us went out at night to just hang out with foreign orchestra people on several places, like touring them, whatever. Thus, I was immediately attracted to this girl that had a beautiful face, dark color clothes, black hair, light skin, totally gorgeous, and in spite that she was quite more extroverted than me, she didn’t seem to be bored by my company; also, she seemed to understand me about stuff that no many people do. She in deed seemed to be having a good time with me, and me with her. I was actually feeling so happy; it was somehow strange feeling happy, due my constant apathetic humor, but I enjoyed at the moment.
Then, one night, we were in some street with so much people, like if there were a carnival or something, anyway, finally I gut the guts to tell her how beautiful she is and how she made me feel. She got so close to me, and I couldn’t resist anymore but taste her lips, and as I did, she hugged me so hard as if she wanted to cry... but continued kissing me. We just kept holding hands, talking and hanging out all night.
The next night, we also went out to the same place with many people, and were having some much fun together. We jumped some fences, set up things on fire, threw some garbage, yelled to people, really crazy stuff, but I was enjoying it. Oh, I forgot to say that, she also played violin and normally she was hanging out with some guys of the other orchestra; some of them seemed ok, except but to guys that were always giving me defiant glances, like they didn’t like me at all. One of them I didn’t like at all either; he seemed to be a complete fag, wearing shiny colored clothes and talking weird, like a bitch, so annoying.
Anyway, the next day we continue hanging out, this time went to some mall, and there we found her friends already there, some were drunk and the fag one and the other guy seemed more than drunk, like totally drugged. She went to talk to them, I couldn’t listen what they were saying, but she seemed to be annoyed, so I came over and the fag stopped me with his hand trying to push me away. I immediately pushed him back telling him no to fucking touch me. Then the other guy who seemed more manly and didn’t like me either approached. So drugged he barely could talk, but I did understand him, he said something like “oh what the fuck, why don’t just we kill everybody here? Hahaha”. Then he took out a gut from his jacket and without hesitating shoot me twice.
The first shoot barely brushed my arm and impacted in a window of glass behind me. The second shoot did hit me in my chest and I fell down to the floor and bleed. Everybody stared to panic, except the one that shoot me and the fag, who were laughing hard at me. My loved girl was crying and screaming, she wanted to come near me but some of the guys stopped her and told her to get all the fuck out of there.
I was laying in the floor, bleeding, but not dead. I could feel the blood and some pain, but I didn’t feel like in danger of dying, probably the shoot wasn’t lethal, the thing is that I knew I was hurt but I wanted to remain in the floor thinking. I was so sad, the only thing I could care was “why? Why the fuck every time I seem to start feeling good, something fucks so badly? Why do these bitches had to ruin it? I was so happy with her, why can’t I be happy? Why is it that no one wants me to be happy? Why do they come?” As I was thinking all of these I started to stand up slowly, now feeling the most incredible rage and fury I ever felt. I wasn’t scared of almost dying or sad because they ruined the fun. I was madly angry. I entered a state of berserk in which I couldn’t do anything else but walk towards these 2 bitches who were still laughing but looking in a different position. I yelled them as hard as I could when I was close enough, and immediately took the fag one and beat him as hard as I could, thus that I did killed him with only my hands. Still in this berserk state walked towards the other guy, who was so scared that dropped the gun and with my bloodstained hands moving slowly to beat him too and could only say one thing to him: “Why?…why?”.

I only remember that last scene, and then I woke up at 6:30 am, and my chest was throbbing so hard. I also felt my body warm and exhausted like if I had went to jogging or something. Symptoms properly described was if woken up from a nightmare. Alas, the true nightmare was discovering that the few happy moments were just a dream.

2006-05-03 11:29:13 ET

dreams are so... weird.

2006-05-13 18:16:13 ET

yup, either for bad or good.

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