the 2 witnesses
2006-09-19 19:41:28 ET

Masochist, you’ll never learn. You really don’t enjoy it but you wish to could. It’s not that you like to be hurt, it’s that you want it to feel good keep trying; but it always hurt.
Dreamer, you have no where to escape, quit trying, reality has different colors. Only closing your eyes you can imagine that sweet dream, but you can’t go anywhere with your eyes closed, you’ll need to open them, but then the fantasy shelter closes.

On the last posts I talked about a girl a met a couple months ago, Pamela, on a city of 7 hours of distance from me, nevertheless start chatting via internet and some friendship started. Then we started messaging by cellphone and my taste to keep in communication with her incremented. It got a time (a few days ago) when we send each other about 20 messages by day, for a week. So it was then when my feelings totally exploded, hurting only me. I couldn’t tell anyone but me that I fell deeply in love of her.
The uncertainty started when she began telling me that she “likes me”; that she “really likes me” kind of in a way of “you’re so cool, I luv ya man, a like ya a lot”. With atmospheres of “damn I like ya so much, you’re my bestest friend”, to which I always replied in the same tones. She drives me insane by keeping me thinking if she really means something else or she’s like those very open-friendly with everyone saying she luvs someone. One night she totally got me delirious about it when she said “I just don’t have words enough to tell you how much I like you”; I immediately tried to respond with the same attitude, or more enthusiast.
She’s supposed to come here in 2 days for another of those orchestra encounters we have, the kind like when I went to her city and first met her. She’s supposed to be here in 2 days. She hasn’t messaged me in these 3 past days, as much as last week. I don’t know what’s on her mind, but for me, I hate to state the cliché of “I think of her all day”, but it’s so painfully true.

I should be sharpening the knife for the masochist, and start softening the pillow for the dreamer.

2006-09-22 20:52:59 ET

You have no idea how much I understand what you're saying. It's almost eerie.

2006-09-24 11:49:58 ET

Thank you so much.

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