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2006-10-01 19:17:00 ET I’m better now. I have recovered some strength, not completely but some. She started sending me some messages by cellphone again and talked to her on the msn a couple of times, though I torture myself to have in mind that she’ll be only a friend and nothing more. Alas, she then speaks to me of her problem unknowingly similar to me, but on her crush with jimmy, my friend. This situation is what sometimes depresses me sometimes again. That she thinks a lot of him, but isn’t sure if he thinks the same for her, so she depresses, and I’m in the shadow thinking ‘oh crap, what a misery for us’. The scar on my arm is starting to fade now. I got drunk yesterday to help me forget this shit. Not to forget her, but to forget the feelings. I’m not sure if it worked, I need yet more alcohol for the next time. I need to remember that I’m not in the beautiful people society. I don’t belong to them. I’m definitely on a subculture more of a state of mind than sociably. |
