Bad, not too bad, nice, bad.
2002-07-29 21:18:14 ET

Itís been a long time since I didnít come on to check because I didnít have the time or wasnít available to use the computer. Many things have happened to me, in here, in Dallas TX, Öthings really hard to feel comfortable to talk about.

Like a week ago, we (and by saying we I mean me and another family and the kids in which Iím staying with) went to Six Flags, and I must say I didnít enjoy it at all, definitely I couldnít stand being with such a family hood, such the kids-parents thing, ah! It was horrible, for me. Days were passing by and I hadnít started to paint something, like I was supposed to be doing there, that was why I was invited! Damn! We (yes, again) had been going to the building (where Iím supposed to paint) only to CLEAN! Yes, clean, clean all the dirt and mess. So, days had passed I and I couldnít have the time to either paint or connect to here (, we were just hanging around more hostile (for me) family-type places and going to bunch of their cousinsí and unclesí/auntsí houses Öcould you imagine me there mentally alone, with no one with a particular interest to talk too? Yes, I faked a lot of smiles and laughers to themÖ I think the few sincere smiles I gave was by staring at one of their cousins, a little cute 10 year-old girl. She was very sweet, nice and did have a kind smile; she was very pretty in deed.

Moreover, I finally got to paint something. They selected an image from a National Geographic magazine for me o paint. I went with them to buy the paints and FINALLY started to paint; and as I must say, it is being a mess right now! I donít know how will it look when I finish it, but for now Iím not happy at all with what Iíve done about it. I suck. This is the second time I use colors but this time it isnít anything gothic-akin neither itís something small, as I said before (I think) it is on a wall, yes, like a short mural or something, so itís like 10 times bigger the painting at oils I did before; and this time Iím using acrylic paints now, I donít know why, someone suggested it to me and I just grabbed them when shopping the material for it. Another thing is Iím not sure I chose the right pencils, and the paint dries o fast, is not the same as with oils, besidesÖ it is the second time in my life I use paint!

Well, this I wrote was just like a very quick resume of what Iíve done or feel in the absent time in here. But still I will write much more about what happened today, yeh, nothing written here describes what I did or felt today, itís just that Ömmh, maybe later, I donít have much time yet to feel free for checking out the internet and subcultures as I wish to. Farewell.

2002-07-30 07:49:25 ET

im sorry things are going so bad for you. hope everything clears up!

2002-07-30 08:25:28 ET

Well atleast you're painting now. Sorry you didn't have fun at Six Flags.

2002-07-30 16:12:44 ET

This is a great example of how when a hobby ceases to be fun it becomes WORK and then inspiration doesn't come so easily, nor does satisfaction. It doesn't sound like you're really that excited about this project now. There's a difference between doing your own artwork and doing it for someone else. I don't know about you but it's kinda hard for me to let someone dictate to me what art should be. That's why I never bothered to get a job as a writer. Writing is personal and not something I can just do on command. It has to flow naturally or it won't flow at all. There's an old saying, "it's better to write for oneself and have no public than write for the public and have no self."

2002-07-30 16:36:17 ET

Madam Valeska, again your words have encouraged my fingers...
In deed, that quote you mention is simply true!

2002-08-01 14:25:59 ET

I was wondering how you were doing. I know how it feels to be in such an unsettling environment. If you are uncomfortable it is always likely to show up in your work especially if you aren't familiar with the things you are working with. I hopw everything turns out ok for you. You can always email or pm me if you need to talk to someone.

2002-08-02 00:53:08 ET

Yes family things can be a real drag, my family get togethers tend to get very political towarrds a point of a lot of ignorance....ugh....I can hear thanksgiving now...I dread those things, especially when I am getting ready to go down to the smoky mountains to see my brother get will be nice because hes getting married...but not the long trip with the parentos the whole way going on about what I listen to, and how I dress....agh....yes just try to escape and be the lonely artist in the corner

2002-08-04 08:33:40 ET

Hey the lonley artists in the cornor are the ones who always get me.

2002-08-10 20:19:50 ET

Wow! I've always been like the lonly artist in the corner! Though I'm not sure of considering me by myself an artist, people must judge me for that, not me. Anyway, that was encouraging!

2002-08-11 08:57:03 ET

You are an artist.... for one you draw and paint.... second you play the violin.

2002-08-11 12:50:24 ET

An artist... *sighs* me? sounds great! Thanks!
Though since kid I always thought I was going to be a scientist, ha!

2002-08-11 17:32:47 ET

I wanted to dig up dinosaures

2002-08-11 17:53:41 ET

hehe i wanted to do the same thing. (only with people)

2002-08-11 17:57:05 ET

lol, yes...i have a friend that does archiological work in Scotland

2002-08-11 18:10:12 ET

hmm.. cool!

2002-08-13 17:40:07 ET

I always thought I'd be a doctor when i was a kid. As I got older and started slacking, I changed my mind. Now I do not know what I want to do...

by the way I just got into a drawing class at school... maybe i can learn how to draw somewhat. heh

2002-08-13 21:06:26 ET

That's awesome, Kat!

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