Cold spots.
2002-08-24 20:18:40 ET

Yesterday I was on the most crowded buses ever, it was completely full, I mean really over-full, people was almost hanging from out of the doors, Ďtwas funny. Well, well, I also spent some time drawing, guess what? Heh, I thought it finally was time to make a quick picture of my violin teacher, who has been nice at teaching me and I think sheís a nice person and I wanted to have a better cover of the method book for the violin lessons, besides she very pretty too, so I decided to draw her, but since I barely can draw things by memory the drawing didnít went so well, I mean, itís way much easier drawing when having a model or an immobile object, so, if you think the drawing isnít that good, I understand completely, and donít worry, my teacher is prettier than the draw as well :ř then maybe I will make another draw for the counter cover (the back side), I was thinking in a pair of hands playing the violin, just the hands and the violin, but thatíd be later, for now Iím ok by having this draw, itís better than having only the words of ďAll for Strings; method book no. 2Ē on the cover. Anyway, I showed the picture to her and it seemed that she liked it. She first said ďoh! Is it yours? Did you draw it?Ē, I nodded and then I think she recognized that it was her who I drew and she smiled, she smiled very cute! I said ď, itís for ...uh, having a nicer cover, you knowĒ and she asked if it had been made with a simple pen and I said yes, so, I think she liked it.

What else was I about to say? oh! Thatís right! I remember, a few days ago I dreamed that I was like in an ocean... in a ship, that I was there with the little girls I met in Dallas, I donít know why I dreamed them, I guess it was a very strange but pleasant happening when I was there, and as well as back since there as in the dream I was almost always trying to be near the little 10 year-old girl, Cynthia, she fulfilled me with calm and certain security, strange, yes, itís just that I never get to know many people (yeh, an outsider talking here I guess) and that girl seemed to be very friendly with me which made me very happy by moments in Dallas, and in the dream I was searching I was like searching for that same sympathy, nevertheless there was a moment when I remember I ended up being alone floating in the sea, that was when my eyes went narrow and I decided to dive deeper, but I decided to go back to the surface and the ship near there, the sky was clouded... and I donít remember the rest, blah. So when I woke up I started to think again is how much I needed a friend like that, someone simple who I could feel comfortable with. From the many, many times Iíve thought how would it be in the future if I had children Iíve imagined it would be the same now if having a son or a daughter... I guess I daughter would be more interesting and tender, yes, Iíve imagined many times how would it be with a son and certainly I donít like that much of how would I raise him or something, I mean, if Iím a man already why would I like to be amused by more men? And I guess that with a daughter it would be more delicate, someone that I could take care of, and love me.

This might be starting to sound a bit unusual from a dude like me... blah, well, itís my fucking journal, so what the fuck do I care what I write? Oh well, Iíll have more interest stuff sooner or later. Whatever.

2002-08-24 22:20:27 ET

Children are interesting. I like to ask them odd questions. Or quiz them about math. Or I will tell them miscellaneous facts about things. I cannot wait till my newphews are cognizant enough to talk with me. I hope to deter my brother-in-law's plans to make them super sports fans.

2002-08-25 13:06:42 ET

im scared of kids... i dont want them.. that will prolly change later on though, in my 20s or something

2002-08-25 20:56:11 ET

i love your drawings :) i want a kid. now. like i want it in my belly now. but i'm only 16 and that is completley out of the question so i will wait

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