Upcoming Images
2002-09-19 18:42:34 ET

Iíve finally finished my painting, I canít stop it right now, I still need to get it dried, so hopefully I might put it in my gallery here for Saturday even though Iím not so sure how am I going to do it, the scanner is smaller than the painting, or should I say the painting is bigger than the scanner and I donít have camera, anyway the painting isnít really to big like to call it a grand work, to say truth it isnít very detailed as I wished and as ALWAYS Iím definitely not satisfied with the result, in part because I havenít managed too much with colors, this will be the second time, so it doesnít look too realistic as I wish it were, and I had to use light colors for the purpose I had in mind, another thing Iím not very familiar with, light colors.

Whatever, Iím also working on another draw, this time my regular style of drawing at pen and at black and white. Itís about two hands playing the violin which Iíll use for the cover of my method book of it. I can say I how now done about a 60% of it, so Iíll get it finished in about a week... or even if I do an effort I might get it done this weekend with the painting together... Iím not sure, Iím too lazy. Weíll see.

Ok, Iíve noted that Iíve only been talking about my drawings/paintings and the violin thing, and itís starting to get bored, Iím just pathetic... itís just not the guy likely to be posting about 3 journal entries a day only saying that my life sucks and that Iím extremely bored and such, to say truth I never imagined myself writing about personal thoughts and ideas in something like this, I must say that before this I was getting even more insane about feeling alone and not knowing where to place something I had in mind, or maybe not just where to but if I should; I remember I once did started something in which I wrote stuff I had in mind in a .doc file, I was planning something like writing hell a bunch of things and at the end having something larger than a bible, but I only got 2 pages with font ďAgency FBĒ size 6 and I kind of started to feel stupid, I was wondering ďwhoís going to read it? Whoís going to care? Whoís going to even understand it? What benefit would come with it? My Ďmoralí written may even scare people, so, why should I keep on it?Ē, and so I decided to left it and deleted it. I was writing some really crazy stuff there, but then some months later I got to this site and said ďoh, what the fuck? Itís not going to be like personas sissy diary shit... letís just write carp about myself, with written ideas people have the decision of either reading it or not, not like when talking, people may not listen but the have to at least hear it (and donít give me the childish excuse of blocking your ears), so with written crap about whatever people choose if reading or not, liking it or not is not my problem, Iím not begging to be heard... I know now that that hasnít helped me out before. But to say truth since writing here it in some way has been some sort of ... uhm... letís call it therapy? Nah... it just seems that I have frees many emotions I havenít showed to anyone, which is some new crazy stuff I was thinking, itís like having two personalities... but thatís something I should explain more detailed in another occasion... for now I can say that itís been something new to explain.

2002-09-19 20:46:47 ET

Writing my journal entries is a catharsis for me. I can blurt out what I feel and think about something and then move on. Sometimes I can find someone willing to listen to what I have to say. Most often not as some of the things I think or say is not exactly happy happy thoughts people want to remember through their day. I certainly do not do it for the comments otherwise I would have quit long ago. It is nice to hear a comment once in a while though.

Of course just like you there are things too personal to share with a public audience over the internet. Even my own friends.

2002-09-21 05:17:49 ET

Yeah, that's why I haven't told about this page to people I know.
So all you strangers who read my stuff it's ok because I don't know you and probably way too far from me.

2002-09-21 05:49:48 ET

Exactly, we're not going to go and knock on your door, and accuse you of being a freak or something like that. It's pretty much what I do with my page.

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