I have no soul.
2002-10-26 19:48:43 ET

Today Saturday, I went to my violin classes at morning: finally our teacher Susy came back from their touring thingy, that was a relief! With her it all is better, just the last Saturday we had this woman who was such a lame, and today when we had Susy I felt so good because she does put attention to us AND shoe does explain us things we should do right, oh, itís nice having her back in deed. Besides sheís the only one that dresses so good, heheh.

Well, well, I finally started downloading again some metal songs, and I can say that Tristania seems to be a next option to buy an album, and Iíve also been listening to other songs really great, but I wonít talk too much a bout it because then, uhm, people might not like my music..., fucking fuck, whatever. Anyways, Iím not sure what to draw now, due to a friend wants me to paint something for him; he only told to paint a little girl, but he didnít mention many details... I NEED details, or Iíll just come up with something wrong perhaps.

On other side, I donít know if say this or not. Well, the issue about the girl I started to like and gave her a draw, she emailed me back again. Iím feeling really strange... I... know where to find her... but... Iím such a fucking shy guy, Iíll die, well lately Iíve been surrounding the place where she takes the bus just to see if by chance I may see her from far sight, but I havenít had any luck, and Iím just afraid as hell, Iím really starting to think Iíll die empty, I donít know, I ... oh fuck.

Uhm, finally it stopped raining, damn I liked it so much, Iíve always thought of how would I like to die, this subject Iíve had it since I was 13, and thinking it really deep, and still donít know how, but sometimes life just seems too cruel for dieing with even more pain, I think I prefer a really painless death, but not sure of when, but I do would like it to be a cloudy day or rainy. Like my heart.

2002-10-27 16:53:01 ET

You just have the biggest crush on this girl. Cute. hehe.

It was raining here earlier but it stopped too :(

2002-10-28 09:57:49 ET

I... don't know if say a crush on her, because I really don't know her but her name and where to find her, I mean, we're totally strangers to each other, that's what it's even weirder. Though I guess it could have been any girl, it's just me the fucking coward shy head about it. Probably because I do have had a crush on someone long ago before, and that was really paranoia for love, I guess that's why I fear to fall in love again of someone that deep.

2002-10-28 12:43:19 ET

Yeah, I guess crush is not the word for it.... but you know I acted the same way toward the priest when I first saw him and etc.

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