Gray or empty: me.
2002-10-30 12:06:13 ET

Yesterday I had one really weird day, not because it had been strange but because I felt weird. All day I felt so fucking empty, maybe still; I havenít been feeling to well like for cheering up at any shit, itísÖ eh, itís not the common whining or complaints of feeling unloved, alone or misunderstood, itís been different, itís like uhm if I donít feel any courage to do anything, but more than apathy, I felt yesterday really misplaced, like everywhere I went I feel like if I was completely different to any human, I felt like if they werenít real, I didnít know for a moment if all the people were just part of the realityís layout and I was the watcher, I felt really strange.
Whatever so, I also think I saw from very far sight the girl I draw, which really got me afraid of coming there to see if really was she or not, I think it was her, but I was so afraid get closer that she might recognize and donít know what to do, then, when finally I decided to get a bit closer, she left the place and I was got really stoned because I think it was her, and yet I know where to find her but Iím afraid to meet her, IÖ Iím not good at this, Iím stupid crap, am I shy? Why, apparently I am. ButÖ IÖ donít know what to do, I better should be locked up in a closet or something. Then, again, the feeling of the first paragraph come right now and it will get worse, I know.

2002-10-30 17:38:20 ET

I don't understand why you are so unsure of have everything in the world going for you honestly. You have this wonderful talent of taking something simple and turning into something beautiful whether its words, or a canvas. I hope you feel better. I do hope I can help though.

2002-10-31 20:58:11 ET

I think I feel this way because of having a more complicated Mind-life than a Social-life. I don't know, I've never felt need for psychologists, often almost everything they said I already know.

2002-10-31 22:25:06 ET

Yeah but most people can't interpret their feelings and things like that. But if you need to talk you can always PM or IM me you know that *hugs*

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