Head on a pillow.
2002-10-31 21:37:05 ET

So, as I said in the twp previous journal entries, Iíve been feeling very strange, I guess my inner malkavian feelings are back, or is it because I have been watching many thing, observing distinct behaviors, like studying the gnostic nature again and my own epistemology. Iíve taken ideas from others that also inspires my or just guide me next idea. Though I am just feeling like not wanting to care about my life, like crawling instead of walking for fear to fall down, like TeRRoR said, ďwalking woundedĒ, perhaps not for many but for me it is an interesting metaphor.
I was also thinking from the last post, of how shy am I of confronting someone in person about something I might not know how to handle, but when writing it is different, itís easier, and yet thinking is even easier. The example of this is when it comes like this: Iím about to do something but then I donít do it for fear; then I write it (here) asking myself why didnít I or why did I do that; even yet then after writing, a whole bunch of ideas come to my mind analyzing the whole situation in so many forms that I always forget when trying to write them down. It is really strange sometimes. I donít know. Iíll go now to sleep.

2002-11-01 04:41:49 ET

Years ago I used to go a fews days at a time where I would have deja vu, wherever I felt that I had done something before I would go in the opposite direction. I know that this may appear to be a tangent from your line of thought but it is just something that I wanted to share.

Also, trust me it is alright to be different because I know that I definately am and by most people standards I am considered a successful person. My trick was just leaning how to "fake normal" it took may years and I did not perfect it until University when I got a fresh start.

You do not have3 to be shy, force yourself to speakout and be heard and if people do not like what you have to say it is a problem that they have and not a problem that you have. I only consider a person a close close friend after we have had at least one or two serious arguments. Hell my best friend and I used to get into physical battles over which way to walk to the mall or someones house back when we were kids.

2002-11-02 20:04:00 ET

Mm... faking normal, yeh, that's something I've been doing quite many times... to be sincere, maybe it's here at subkultures.net where I show more of the true me than in real life with people, maybe it'd be easier if being a bi-personality schizo.

2002-11-03 17:42:22 ET

you just have to pick the times and places where you can cut loose and be yourself.

and just fake it when you can not.

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