2003-01-04 21:27:06 ET|
Here I sit again... thinking, wondering, using only my mind. Feeling everyday the same awareness of my life. Feeling pathetically sad and lame. I donít know if I really have friends or not, but from my shyness experience I can tell that I maybe am now even more afraid to love someone, for I know that I wouldnít be able to handle it like someone else... or that no one else would handle it like me. But still... I do would at least to take some risk and do something, but itís this uncertainty of doing things bad or wrong that keeps bugging me in almost everything I do, whatever it is.
From the above, it was thought out from the experience I felt when being within the orchestra and playing the violin with them... itís just that I felt so alone, but more than just alone, miserable. I couldnít fit at anything they were talking, doing, thinking. I canít seem to fit wherever I go, why, is it then that my mind is really different from many or Iím their so-called devil. Really, I just seem very often that people laugh and I donít, and laugh when they donít.
Well my father bought a digital camera for his work and such, so Iíll play with it too, I think it will be better if I post up a pick of my self here, because the previous one didnít came up very well, so... mmh... Iíll see about it later.
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UPDATE: I just posted a pic of me. Go puke.