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2003-01-04 21:27:06 ET Here I sit again... thinking, wondering, using only my mind. Feeling everyday the same awareness of my life. Feeling pathetically sad and lame. I don’t know if I really have friends or not, but from my shyness experience I can tell that I maybe am now even more afraid to love someone, for I know that I wouldn’t be able to handle it like someone else... or that no one else would handle it like me. But still... I do would at least to take some risk and do something, but it’s this uncertainty of doing things bad or wrong that keeps bugging me in almost everything I do, whatever it is. From the above, it was thought out from the experience I felt when being within the orchestra and playing the violin with them... it’s just that I felt so alone, but more than just alone, miserable. I couldn’t fit at anything they were talking, doing, thinking. I can’t seem to fit wherever I go, why, is it then that my mind is really different from many or I’m their so-called devil. Really, I just seem very often that people laugh and I don’t, and laugh when they don’t. Well my father bought a digital camera for his work and such, so I’ll play with it too, I think it will be better if I post up a pick of my self here, because the previous one didn’t came up very well, so... mmh... I’ll see about it later. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 2:47 am UPDATE: I just posted a pic of me. Go puke. |
