I can't fit.
2003-01-04 21:27:06 ET

Here I sit again... thinking, wondering, using only my mind. Feeling everyday the same awareness of my life. Feeling pathetically sad and lame. I donít know if I really have friends or not, but from my shyness experience I can tell that I maybe am now even more afraid to love someone, for I know that I wouldnít be able to handle it like someone else... or that no one else would handle it like me. But still... I do would at least to take some risk and do something, but itís this uncertainty of doing things bad or wrong that keeps bugging me in almost everything I do, whatever it is.
From the above, it was thought out from the experience I felt when being within the orchestra and playing the violin with them... itís just that I felt so alone, but more than just alone, miserable. I couldnít fit at anything they were talking, doing, thinking. I canít seem to fit wherever I go, why, is it then that my mind is really different from many or Iím their so-called devil. Really, I just seem very often that people laugh and I donít, and laugh when they donít.

Well my father bought a digital camera for his work and such, so Iíll play with it too, I think it will be better if I post up a pick of my self here, because the previous one didnít came up very well, so... mmh... Iíll see about it later.
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2:47 am
UPDATE: I just posted a pic of me. Go puke.

2003-01-04 21:32:15 ET

*hugs* one day you will find someone that will love you with all their heart and soul. and they will show you that love is alright. one day...but for now...don't worry yourself with such things...for it is true what Shirley Manson says "there's no point in living if you can't feel alive" or somewhere along those lines.

and do post a picture...it'd be nice to put a face with a personality.

2003-01-04 22:53:48 ET

I do have had loved once... but, uhm, I was pathetic, and pathetic I will die.
A picture... uhm... *takes out the camera thing*... there, done, go puke.

2003-01-05 10:40:32 ET


you're only pathetic because you think that way. *smacks you* so stop it!

2003-01-06 12:40:53 ET

buy rodents...this seems to be my ticket to happiness...nothing beats that kind of entertainment

2003-01-07 19:45:17 ET

Smack recieved. It felt good, give me more!
Rodents... nah, I'm not very much into pets, but I already have a cat now though.

2003-01-08 07:17:23 ET

*keeps smacking you*

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