2006-10-22 00:11:46 ET

I woke up sick saturday morning. Well, I didnt do anything about it, I figured "Oh, I will be fine." ,and, for most of the day I was just fine. I went into work to help open the resturaunt. I was there a half an hour, and I threw up quite nicely. It was spectacular. Needless to say, they sent me home.

Around 9:30PM, I felt alittle better, so I went back to work to help out. Everything went super. It is 3AM now, I dont feel that great, but I have to work tomorrow, and I cannot sleep.

This month has been for, the worst month I have had in awhile.
Lost my girlfreind, Broke my tooth at work, and now this.
Oh I guess it is fate telling me something, I need to change my life, I need to be more upbeat, I need do something to dispell all this negativity. I am working on that. One day at a time. This winter for me will be a time of change, I can feel it, I know it.

It hasnt all been bad though. A woman i know has told me that she loves me for who I am, unconditionally. I love her the same way. She is a wonderful woman. I have been doing more of my artwork, getting back into drawing and all that. Artwork seems to help me cope. Workman's comp will pay for my tooth, and I still have a job, a place to live and I am still alive. Sometimes though, I wonder if people really understand me, why do I get so shy around others? Why do I always observe things, and not take thing for what they are? Why do I always feel like the outsider, looking in?
I take it that alot of people prob. think I am stuck up, aloof and whatnot. I am the exact opposite. I take people for who they are, and I respect others. I am very kind, caring and generous person. I am just hard to talk to. I wish I could change that, but I cannot. I hope you all understand.

Take care all of you, and sleep well.


2006-10-22 08:34:34 ET

DO NOT change any character of urself to cater to others. they would come to u, extend their concern to u if they really wanted to understand u. its all about the will, the thought, and the appreciation.

no one can please everybody all the time. u don't have to be the perfect guy, the most generous person. u do care and help others whenever they need a hand. but.....com'on!!! u have right to be selfish only focus on what u NEED/LACK at times!!!!! it isn't correct to give w/o gain anything in return. i believe that everything should have its balance weight.

i know u better. u absolutely deserve much more than what u are having now. last but not least, u still have some true friends whom love/respect/admire/highly praise THE WAY U ARE. that's something!


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