another journal

PeterGraves 2002-04-18 14:09:21 ET another journal another way to reach an audience.... i don't charge for my art work, i don't charge for any of the work i do for local bands here in Indianapolis, indiana where i live...i don't do it to impress anyone...i do it to share my vision...if your here to check anything out about me you will find all you need to know in looking at my digital art.... i'm not classically trained...i couldn't even stick it out through highschool...i dropped out to play in a punk rock band and chase the punk rock dream...when i was finished chasing the lie i started to chase tail, i started to chase women, i started to chase love....when i thought i found it i needed another adventurer....i needed to chase fame...i needed to be known....i needed... i think i was/am like everyone else in the world...i was convinced that everything that i needed was outside of myself, that i had a hole inside of me, leaking something way....that i needed to refuel myself, i needed to consume i needed to make myself whole again with objects and items and everything, i needed the most beautiful grrl, the fastest computer, the fastest car, the best job, the best life....i was convinced that i needed...something...something intangible something i could never hold... my greed led me to psychdelics, and religions in every form, it led me to smoke saliva divinorum, to Yage, to all the great names and beautiful scene's of william burroughs, and jack kerouac...it led me to wander...it led me to lay down roots...it led me to zen and buddhism, and discordianism, and art and.... it led me.... to nothing... *laughs at himself*

misfitangel* 2002-04-18 15:51:24 ET you sound a lot like me. a freaking amount of a lot actually. but I'm chasing the punks in punk bands, not a punk in a punk band. Hehe. punkers are just too cute. & what most girls find as 'hot' guys, tend to not be my type. I like your 'abnormal' type. Punks mostly. Which for some reason usually end out being corruptive. Looks overall mean nothing to me. Love handles turn me on. I dunno, they are just too cute. I'm searching for meaning in my life, but can't seem to find it. I fell lost & hollow. Like a opened wound waiting to be licked.

PeterGraves 2002-04-18 22:49:11 ET i checked out your own journal...your 15...you have PLENTY of time to go out there and make mistakes...don't be all jaded and freaky like me just yet...you'll get there on your own i'm sure... i have no idea what to say i'm sitting here trying to wax intellectual but all i can think of is that your 15...like i was 7 years old when you were born...whats it like being 15 now adays...i can't even imagine....the entire time i was 15 i was trying to be 21 now that i'm 22 just want to stay this way...everyone told me when i was your age that i should appriecate it and that when i get to be there age....(which i'm close to now) that i would just want to be 15 again...well thats bullshit, i would never want to be 15 again...15 sucked hard for me...i moved out from my mothers in the suburbs of denver...(westminister to be exact) to downtown indianapolis....from a school dedicated to advance placement students to an inner city school where they all wanted to kick my ass cuz i was different... the most prevalent thing i can remember from being 15 was confusion, lots and lots of confusion...and hormones...and horrible skin....oh god i'm glad i'm not 15 anymore...

misfitangel* 2002-04-19 05:33:54 ET I have plenty of confusion & hormones. Yet, I have always been older than my age. I have to deal with a lot of issues that most kids my age don't even know exist. Since I was born I've been through hell & am always expected to be the strong one. If I fail I let everyone down. I really can't deal anymore. I think I am going crazy. I have recently came to the conclusion that true & pure love to males don't exist. If they have a chance with a girl better looking than their girlfriend or worse wife they are going to take it. Maybe not all males are this way, but I'm tired of tryinng to find the right someone. Life is too hard.

PeterGraves 2002-04-19 11:43:21 ET you sound like your answering job interview questions, miss, this isn't a job interview...this is my journal.... A> if you think your going crazy....go with it...see where it takes you. B> i have no idea what your home life is like, but i'm sure there's some one else there to prop you up if you need down time, your 15 its not like your living on your own...and if you don't have someone who could, go out there and find some. C> Your right life sucks, its hard, its not easy and its full of down times, and in the end you end up dead...strange how that works....maybe you should change your perspective a little bit and concentrate more on the things you like about life...just a tip from some one who has been there a LONG time ago... D> Men, or boys, or whatever they are...its like the bell curve really, the bell curve is this study on IQ they found that the normal range of IQ is 90 to 110, 80% of most humans alive have an IQ somewhere in there...on the back end 0 - 90 is about 10% of all humankind, and on the other end 10% our between 110 and genius (which is somewhere above 150 but very hard to measure)... this same structure or bell (small amount of very low large amount of average small amount of very high) is found through out life...in every human social sense and structure...take culture for instance...your going to have about 10% absolute cultureless people (this accounts for the presence of readers digest *L*), about 80% in the same or close to the same culture...(turn on your tv to find out what it is this week) and then about 10% of the....well us...those represented by subkulture.net, the scariest thing is all the cool subculture's are packed into that 10%...so much diveristy in so little a space...amazing...anyways... the same applies for men, 10% losers, 80% average (which as i can assume from your presence here is not what your looking for) and 10% great awesome guys...and the problem unfortunately for women is that the 10% great awesome guys are very quickly snapped up, because on the reverse the average grrl and the intelligent grrl are all looking for the 10% above average guy...90% shopping for 10%...(two interesting aspects of this are 1. the knowledge of this can warp a 10% guy into a very manipulative A$$, and 2. lots of average grrls end up with 10% guys due to the criteria that men search for...)... *ring ring ring* now class for homework i want you all to read page 12-15 in your introspective thinking books...

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