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2002-04-18 23:04:57 ET i think i'm just going to use this board to rant on... like my website only aimed at all you freaks here... so i'm sitting here in my little computer closet...it actually is a closet...with two doors, kind of a front door and a backdoor one leading to the living room one to the bathrom...i stuffed my desk in here and some christmas lights and all my shit, its...like my cave...i read in some psych text book somewhere that all men have there caves...places they go that are "sacred" to them...my fathers cave led to my parents divorce...he was a musician, and completely neglected his family to pratice pratice pratice on his guitar....it scares me to draw down conclusions like that...i spend all my time (well not all my time) in my cave making digital art....the parrallels are right there, he is now like 47 years old never got remmarried and owns his own in-house studio basically...he's never been commercially accepted with his music and he has hundreds of unfinished dreams... one of my biggest fears is that i will end up like him, slaving away alone in my room to no avail, never getting any recognition for my art, never getting satisfied with the level of fame i have achieved.... i guess if i keep this in mind i can atleast use it as a focus...maybe it'll continue to drive me foreward and push me...maybe i'll learn to balance out my life...who knows here in indy the only cool coffeehouse we had closed and got turned into a parking lot, so i'm now going through withdrawals for intellectual debates....i need some one to argue with i need some one to offend and annoy and spar with...its close to impossible now...the only people i see all the time are my friends so we basically all hold the same truths to be self evident....and you can't start a good arguement in a bar, the alcohol always leads to fights... enough for now... oh yeah and my grrl pointed out that people might get confused by my first post, in the end the nothing i found...its a form of enlightenment, satori if your a buddhist... next post will be on satori i swear... |
