2002-05-01 04:09:52 ET|
"look mommy there's an airplane up in the sky..."
On trying to go insane,
i had a bright idea once, the idea came to me after using an illict substance called LSD, (i don't advocate doing this substance to anyone...if you need approval to do it don't)....the idea was that i was going to make myself go insane, i wanted to become oh i don't know...schitziaphrenic or maybe manic or ...oh i don't know something along those lines... i decided that everytime i came down i was going to sleep then dose... i told my supplier about this plan, i told him that i needed him to check on me every couple of days to see if i needed anymore... i did it every couple of days for over 3 months... over 200 hits, i know, i kept track... i failed, i did not go insane... i have achieved some incredible flash backs and have shattered my views of reality into a million piece's, true. I have splintered my mind, i see things that aren't there, hear voice's sometimes ( the most notable just said one word "remington" whatever that means) i spent near constant my cash flow trying to become crazy...and it didn't happen...
what was i looking for... enlightenment... i thought the key to enlightenment was held in insanity ... its not there... i've chased my own personal dragons through mary jane, DMT, Yage, Iawusca, (if you don't know what those are go read some burrows, like about when he was in south america)... salivia divinorum... ( the wombat weed i call it, more south american jungle medicine men drugs)...i joined the OTO ( started by aliester crowley) to get my hands on there supply of psychedelics, if its a hallucinagen i've ingested it... did it awaken something with in me, yes. Am i an enlightened human being, no... i've flown through the occult and all its gibberish, mainly only being impressed with voodun and santeria...researched the templars, the rosicians, the hospitalers...studied hindu, buddism, the tao....where does it all lead...
i have no idea... its all just pathways and alleys, there is no end in site, no cheese at the end of the maze, no glowing white light..no prize for having the most token...the only satori (moments of enlightenment) i have ever had have come completely randomly...in those moments all i realize is that the world is absolutely perfect the way it is...
where do i go next?