mayhem and screaming
2003-06-12 19:22:06 ET

today i had to deal with the health department and the DMV....i had to get a copy of my birth certificate and renew my drivers license, pretty mundane activity right...

but not me, no i had to find a way of making it absurd, i stayed up all night drinking green tea and smoking frop, till at 9 in the morning my dad picked me up and ran me to the health big thing except my dad was half awake and cutting off traffic left and right, and laughing in his sort of insane loopy way (ever since he had his near anuerysm he has never been the same)...when we get there every one just stared at me alot...which was either because of how i was dressed or because i was stoned out of my mind...anyways the paper work gets processed yadda yadda yadda i get it pay and off to the DMV...

On the way to the DMV on 54 and keystone (south of the bohemian area called broadripple north of the ghetto in the deneutralized zone) a stick of beef jerky oops i mean a very tanned lady in her 30's knocked on our window obiviously in distress because
A. she was having horrible car problems and really needed help ...of..
B. was having horrible crack problems and desparately need some more crack....

a soon as she knocked on the window i screamed really loud as if she had seriously scared me, she sort of motioned me to roll down the window so i knew the con was on...i decided the most civil way of dealing with her need was to keep screaming high pitched like a little girl and yell through the window to "get away from the car, get A-WAY from the car"...she sort of got very shook up by that...and then rolled her eyes at me and sort of half made the motion to roll down the whole window...but i was on to her...i knew the best way to win was to keep screeching like an 8 year old and telling her to get away from the vehicle...she ran quickly after a few seconds of the mantra....

the DMV was just boring, a vaccummed, zip locked, shipped, and delievered version of my generations ADD hell....everyone stared at me there too...but thats okay i made the desk ladies i felt i was winner in the end...even though they fleeced me for 19 bucks just to renew my license...

2003-06-12 19:51:28 ET

i must say you handled the crazy bitch situation very nicely.

2003-06-12 20:04:42 ET

*LOL* my dad almost choked laughing when the green light let him pull away from the situation...i hope she forever remembers the big scary punk guy she scared half to death....

2003-06-12 20:05:08 ET

ferris bueller, you're my hero.

minus the ferris bueller part.

2003-06-12 20:10:15 ET

it was an act of pure was a jake...not a joke nor a prank...but both...


2003-06-12 20:11:54 ET

uh oh. are you trying to bring the intelligence into this again? ok, i'll learn to deal with it.

so, what did you say to keep the dmv workers entertained, anyway?

2003-06-12 20:14:09 ET

no one can pronounce my real last name, i made some remark about that and then smiled and acted....ozzy-quasi-conscience in a stoned sort of way...then she asked for my signature and i said i didn't know she was a fan...bad jokes but its all about the timing...

one day i will be a stand up comedian...i practice now...

2003-06-12 20:15:20 ET

i run jokes through my head all day at work. but i'm no good at remembering them when i decide to tell them.

if they had some kind of comedy where i could just have conversations with people, it'd be gold. but that would have to be like a tv show, and i'd have to be slightly famous before i got that. useless, i say.

2003-06-12 20:18:48 ET

or an act....i have thought about doing an duo....there are some funny duos out there...its all the same ...the straight guy and the weird guy...its a just have to apply your twist to the whole thing...

2003-06-12 20:20:50 ET

that's very true. but i just need random people and an interesting topic or surrounding. restaurants are best cuz there's so much to mock there.

2003-06-12 20:24:18 ET

yeah bringing it to a structured thing is hard, wit for wits sake is the best not so easy to fake or press into situation...

the best way to do it is to have some one play the dumb/weird guy and have the other be the master of sarcasm/straight faced guy...

but yeah...the only reason i'm interested is because theres a comedy club in town that pays 500 bucks out to the winner of the open mic nights ....i want that kind of money....

2003-06-12 20:25:04 ET

i need to find some clubs so i can work on my stuff. i've got good stuff, but i'm more of a conversationalist than a comedian. damnit.

2003-06-12 20:30:52 ET

yeah, i have a couple comedic faces, i can play the dumb burn out well, i can play the straight faced loon (monty pythonesque, its all about adsurdity) and my favorite the social ranter...

2003-06-12 20:32:26 ET

my favorite joke character is the antisocial drinker. hehe.

2003-06-12 20:37:07 ET

right....dave attel...

2003-06-12 20:37:50 ET

as far as i know, i've been doing it longer than he has. since i was like 15.

it's not really a character, cuz i only do one thing with it, but still...

2003-06-12 20:41:18 ET

i was going to say something philosphical but i erased it and just toked instead...

2003-06-12 20:45:18 ET

good, cuz i wouldn't have understood you anyway. i'm not so bright this late.

2003-06-12 20:52:47 ET

yeah, its probably better to keep everything low need to strain ourselves...

2003-06-12 20:53:30 ET

i just pulled something in my leg, so it's too late now.

2003-06-12 20:55:54 ET

*L* glass of water....walk it off...walk it off...

2003-06-12 21:04:51 ET

dammit, now my knee hurts. you suck, legs!

2003-06-12 21:05:51 ET


2003-06-12 21:06:58 ET

everything is ok. i have changed my sitting arrangements.

  Return to PeterGraves's page