2002-07-24 18:55:52 ET

i'm crying at the moment..AJ and I are talking about a sensitive subject..and I hurt him, I hurt him bad..and I feel soo horrible for it. He dont trust me and I know it. He told me it didn't bother him anymore, and he lied to me,because it does.

2002-07-24 18:59:18 ET

awww what happened....?

2002-07-24 19:09:46 ET

13 months ago, I cheated on AJ, we broke up for likea month and got back together. We talked about. so hes been telling me since then he trust me, and it didn't bother him anymore, when I just had this feeling it did and he didn't trust me...so now we are talking about it, and he says it does bother him..and he doesn't have that much trust in me...and it hurts that he didn't tell me when we had our 25 conversatons about it the last 13 months..

2002-07-24 19:22:24 ET

im so sorry..*hug*

2002-07-24 19:29:39 ET

..thanx...it just hurts...

2002-07-24 19:33:27 ET

i kno how love hurts, my ONE AND ONLY the guy i was goig to marry, died on my birthday.....it still hurts....

2002-07-24 19:45:11 ET

yes, thats shitty...well all the crying and argueing made me tired, and I have to go to the doc in the morn, so I'm going to bed, thanx for talking with me..nite

2002-07-24 19:45:37 ET


2002-07-24 22:26:28 ET

awwww poor nicole =( im sorry and hope things will get better..it just takes time..i know its been a long time...but something like that its hard for someone to get over, just take it a day at a time and he'll learn to trust you again...trust is hard to gain but easy to lose..

raseberry-that really sucks to hear about that..almost as bad at my mom, her bf died on valentines day...i've seen her go through all the pain..so i can imangine what you went through and still going through...but im sorry to hear about that =(

2002-07-25 06:12:42 ET

Yes, I found that out the hard way. I really didn't want all of that I did to happen. I feel soo horroble for it. But it upsets me that he said it was over it and he said he trusted me and he was not over nor did he trust me. I always tell him how I feel about things or just in general, and he makes me. And he played this off good. I always had a feeling he was lying when he told me all of that, but I really didn't dwell on it. It hurts that he'd lie to me about his feelings. Even through all of the times we talked about it. He also told me last night that my feelings are more important than his..and I was like " No AJ, both of our feelings are important." and oh my..its just too much...I don't understand it all.

2002-07-25 09:51:42 ET

thanks for the sympathy. thanks for at least caringa little bit

2002-07-25 09:55:10 ET

Yeah, Rasberry, AJ and I have our mean moments, but I couldn't imagine what itd be like if he died, let alone on my b-day. Like I said I'm sorry, I kninda know what you went/ and are going through, but in a difference since. My friend died, but he killed himself.

2002-07-25 09:56:54 ET

My best friend Travis' ex-girlfriend just tried to kill herself 3 days ago, and now she's in the hospital, and he hasn't left her side for 3 days, and I can feel what he's going through, and OMG, it just hurt ME bad enought just to see him and what he's going through, let alone to FEEL what he's going through.....it was amazing.

2002-07-25 10:00:03 ET

Not being morbid or wierd, but how did she try to do it? John hanged himself, his mom found him, the medics resesatated him, he was on life support for 3 days. I wouldn't go see him in the hospital, just too horrible, still didn't click what had happened. It didn't until the one day in school I turned around to talk to him, and he wasen't there. I was in the hospital before for self mutalation.

2002-07-25 10:02:37 ET

She went into the kitchen and started to drink whatever strange chemicals she found, when her 23 year old brother walked in, and literally, shook the bottle out of her hand, and IMMEDIATELY raced her to the hospital....Travis went immediately and I didnt go until yesterday....it was horrible.

2002-07-25 10:11:00 ET

That is horrible. I was a cutter, they thought I wanted to commit suicide, but I didn't, cutting was my relase from other pain. I've done it since Iwas 12, now I'm 17. I haven't done it in a while, so my life is pretty well, almost did last night. but thats a different subject. I've tried to shoot myself, but couldn't find bullets. And other things, I was just fuckin stupid. After John died, I wanted to go to, but then I thought about how bad he hurt people he never knew he affected and then I decided I'd hurt more people than I'd make happy.

2002-07-25 11:26:37 ET

yea, i tried the whole cutting thing, and then my life found a new edge, music....now im better...i dont feel like that anymore, and i have the love of a wonderful boi who makes me feel like i am the world to him.

2002-07-25 11:27:55 ET

Yes. AJ has opened my eyes alot. If it wasen't for him, I'd done be dead.

2002-07-25 14:51:44 ET

same with me. except for the aj part, my beautiful man hehe, his name is Robbie

2002-07-26 14:12:35 ET

Thats awesome..hehe

2002-07-26 14:52:28 ET

hes in my gallery....:)

2002-07-26 15:15:49 ET

imma go look now!

2002-07-26 16:01:47 ET

his names robbie.....hes the one playing the guitar in the black and white picture...hes on the right side

2002-07-26 16:02:53 ET

Wooo...hes a hottie!

2002-07-26 16:03:17 ET

hehe.....yes he is...

2002-07-26 16:05:15 ET

hehe...you seen my boi right?

2002-07-26 16:05:58 ET

i dont think so.

2002-07-26 16:07:22 ET

o, i saw him....hes a hottie too... :p

2002-07-26 16:08:24 ET

haha...cooll..yeah..hes like on the boarder of a gutter or crusty punk. Thats what I tell him all the time.

2002-07-26 16:11:08 ET

hehe, thats what he is......robbie used to have a mohawk, but he cut his hair, so now its all shaved and has funny spots where thers still dye...hes so cute, i love him...hes such a weirdo though, all my girlfriends are like.. "why do u like him, hes so werid" its funny...

2002-07-26 16:14:46 ET

Haha, yeah. AJ use to have a hawk too. When I stayed at his house lats weekend, I had to make him put different clothes on. I was like " AJ, you've been wearing them for 2/3 dyas now! someones gunna notice soon, or you are gunna start to stink!" So I picked him out some clothes and he wore them.

2002-07-26 16:15:58 ET

He calls me a hippie cause I'd rather walk barefoot then with shoes,but thats how I've been since I was little. And I always say things are pretty. So I tell him hes a walking biohazard. Cause he doesn't bath often.And hardly ever changes his clothes,

2002-07-26 16:26:03 ET

seriously, me too, I NEVER wear shoes, I HATE shoes. Mine sleeps too much, he sleeps until like 2 in the afternoon, and im like...."GET UP YOU LAZY ASS!" I have to go over to his house every morning, and sit on him...its so funny....one day, he was pretending to be asleep, and I came over, and sat on him, and he flipped me over and tackled me....so hes laying on top of me and we're in his bed, and his dad walks in because I screamed, and hes like "Robbie, what are u doing to her!??" It was hilarious....i laughed my ass off....

2002-07-26 16:31:25 ET

LOL...haha..yeah I usually have to wake AJ up too. We are not suppose to lay in his bed together. HAHA..

2002-07-26 16:58:31 ET

yea, see im only 17 though, and hes only 18, so its like..RAPE!!! and his dad was like...wtf?
it was funny..har har

2002-07-26 17:01:29 ET

no its not rape.
look up your state and shit..and see the age stuff. See AJ is 15 I'm 17. He turns 16 in nov, years difference.

2002-07-26 17:02:55 ET

by the PA and MD laws..I rape AJ

2002-07-26 18:26:36 ET

haha....Owell, I love Robbie and thats all that matters.... *rape rape rape*

2002-07-26 18:42:22 ET

hahaha..yeah..rape is good in some cases..lol

2002-07-26 18:44:29 ET

heheh *smirk*

2002-07-26 18:45:01 ET


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