.......lose 50 lbs.....
2002-08-18 19:09:43 ET

Ok, my goal is to lose 50 lbs, I know I don't look big, but my wieght makes me think differently. I have horribly low self-esteem. Its really bad. I mean AJ makes me feel good about myself when I'm with him. But I'm not with him often. I hate my weight. I hate myself, I think I look really huge...and when people hear my weight they think I'm lying. Grrrr...So my goal is to lose 50 lbs by the end of April begining of may. If I atleast lose 35 or 40 I will be happy. I just need to lose weight, then maybe I will feel alot better than myself. Sometimes I get in these moods where I won't let AJ see me naked..he can see my boobs, but when we are doin it I have to have a bra on..and if I'm on top I have to have a shirt on. Sometimes he gets frustrated with that, because he says he don't see anyting wrong, but I do. It sux.

2002-08-18 19:30:26 ET

it's just insecurity.

i live in korea and my ex. (who i'm still involved with) is korean. korea is a really sexually repressed country, the girls for the most part have a lot of shyness/inhibitions about sex. when i was first with her, she couldn't even get down with me unless the lights were out if it was night or totally under the covers during the day. she would always cover up her breasts (she thinks they're real small, which they are, like most korean girls which doesn't mean anything to me) i mean, i could go on and rant about how she would never let me go down on her (she's 5 years older then me and still had never experienced oral pleasures either way untill i finally got her comfortable and broke her in with it)...

the main thing i always try to stress to a girl who's insecure about certain things or her body or whatever, is, hey...i'm with you, i want to make love to you because of YOU, not because of your body and it's o.k. just relax and trust me...overtime, when you develop more trust/feelings for a person, hopefully all that will dimminish and you can enjoy yourself without being so self concious.

2002-08-18 19:35:45 ET

Well heres the deal..you do the math..I want to weight 130... lose 50lbs.. ok..so if you've done the math you know how much I weigh. I think it is very abnormal and heavy weight for a 5'3" 17 year old.

2002-08-18 19:44:50 ET

If you're sleeping with some guy, obviously you have feelings for him and he should have feelings for you so anything superficial beyond that shouldn't matter.

2002-08-18 19:52:39 ET

We've been together for almost 2 years...lets see..make a super long story short.. he was a virgin so was I...5months into the relationship, had sex , still having sex, I love him, yeah..hmm..

2002-08-18 19:56:31 ET

so what's the problem?

2002-08-18 20:00:00 ET

I know how you feel Nicole... I am well Large.. but you know... I would feel lots better if I lost about 75 pounds... but yeah you know..

2002-08-18 20:00:54 ET

I've always been like this..I'm slowly opening up more...its just taking me awhile...but Its going alot faster..

I hate to do this..but I HAVE to go to bed. I can hardly hold my eyes open...we'll carry this on tomorrow. Good talking with you though. Your pretty wise and good to talk to.
Well nighty nite..Wet Dream and Sweet nitemares to you..goodnite..

2002-08-18 20:02:19 ET


2002-08-18 20:03:20 ET

Goodnight Nicole!! yay

2002-08-19 01:43:54 ET

awwwww Nicole i know EXACTLY how you feel..like when i tell people how much i really weight...they dont believe me worth shit unless im standing on a scale in front of them..::sigh:: i have really low self esteem myself and i think thats whats getting in my way of getting a guy, my guy friends just say i have too much low self esteem that guys can see it in me, i know im not really ugly but i dont think im pretty..but i feel the same about the weight as you do...errrggg...i need to do something about it too. shoot i wish i just had a friend that would come here to my house and go running..i would do it..i like having another person its like moral support ya know...so yea..i dunno...its 3:42am my time and ijust got home..so yes...good nite.

2002-08-19 06:29:44 ET

Well Cyndi, when you come here we can do that running shit, you must start out walking..then jogging then running..or your legs will hurt like a mother fucker. I have no one to walk, jog or run with either. I WILL NOT run/jog/ walk these streets when the sun starts to go down, cause thats when I use to walk like 3miles was in the evening, but that was was some people...we have no street lights on the road that lead s to my house. Remember I live in the boonedocks of Maryland. But yes. My goal is to atleast lose 35/40 lbs by the end of april begining of may and I can lose the other 10 after that.

2002-08-19 12:35:42 ET

i actaully have a park down the street thats pretty well lit...but yea...haha yea when i go down there we'll go do that =)

2002-08-19 14:00:05 ET


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