Thinking about kids
2004-05-04 09:46:39 ET

Today was park day with the kids. It was really a very nice day. The sun was shining, there was a nice breeze. I'm tired as all get out, but it's a good kind of tired. It was one of those days that reminds you why you're doing what you're doing in the first place. The kind of day where the scent of car air fresheners is ten times stronger because of the heat and the din of kids playing in the park is never as loud as the sound of peaceful contentment that is surrounding the whole ordeal. I felt something break inside of me today, while spending the day with my students. Something deep inside my heart just tore apart. A deep unfillable wilderness has taken it's place. I suppose what I felt is the reserve slipping away. That question that every girl eventually asks. Do I want kids of my own? Can I do this every day for the rest of my life, even when I'm tired and worn and cranky as hell. I suppose the answer is that I do and I can. But now that the rerserve has left me, there's just an empty place waiting to be filled up with grins, and frogs and skinned knees. Prehaps, I'm feeling this before my time, or maybe my "biological clock" (whatever that is) is just ticking louder than normal today. I don't know. But I know that I feel good and that I'm not worried or scared, just accepting and anticipating. I know it won't be for a while yet; Not today, or tomorrow or next month or year. But I'm looking forward to the day that someone calls me Mommy, no matter how far away it may be.

The House Where Nobody Lives - Tom Waits

"There's a house on my block
That's abandoned and cold
Folks moved out of it a
Long time ago
And they took all their things
And they never came back
Looks like it's haunted
With the windows all cracked
And everyone call it
The house, the house where
Nobody lives

Once it held laughter
Once it held dreams
Did they throw it away
Did they know what it means
Did someone's heart break
Or did someone do somebody wrong?

Well the paint was all cracked
It was peeled off of the wood
Papers were stacked on the porch
Where I stood
And the weeds had grown up
Just as high as the door
There were birds in the chimney
And an old chest of drawers
Looks like no one will ever
Come back to the
House were nobody lives

Once it held laughter
Once it held dreams
Did they throw it away
Did they know what it means
Did someone's heart break
Or did someone do someone wrong?
So if you find someone
Someone to have, someone to hold
Don't trade it for silver
Don't trade it for gold
I have all of life's treasures
And they are fine and they are good
They remind me that houses
Are just made of wood
What makes a house grand
Ain't the roof or the doors
If there's love in a house
It's a palace for sure
Without love...
It ain't nothin but a house
A house where nobody lives
Without love it ain't nothin
But a house, a house where
Nobody lives."

2004-05-04 18:10:11 ET

here's a house on the corner that's yella,
nobody lives inside.
I think somebody tried to sell her,
but nobody wanted to buy.
So in come mean ol' Winter
In come Father Time.
In come bad old Summer
and nothin' here else rhymes.

Because the animals run the house.
The animals run the house.
the animals run the house
the animals run the house.

Well there's birds up in the celling
squirrels in the hall,
there's spiders in the bed
and a big weed growing tall
there's lemurs in the TV set
spiders in the fridge
and watch out man, cause there's a big frog on the ridge of the fire place when you go in.

It's dangerous.
the Meter-reading Man came out and said,
"Don't go in there man, it's bad in there, man."
everything's ripped up and it smells funny.
Smells crazy in there like,
Like the animals run the house
like the animals run the house
like the animals run the house
like the animals run the house.
like the animals run the house.

you know there's bats up in the bedroom
snakes are in the bed
there's a big dog in the hallway
and a big bullfrog in the head.
yeah, a big bullfrog in the head.

Somebody said, "Let's go drinkin there, man."
They said it was a good idea.
so on one Saturday night we went in, man,
and we brought a little beer.
Well somebody said, "Hey, do you hear a noise up there?"
and then little Jenny turned around
and there was a bat stuck in her hair.
and then she took off her shoe and there was a big spider in it.
and the animals were all over her, man.
the squirrels were <makes squirrel noises>
and the dogs were like <howls>
and then a cat fell off the ceiling and went <hiss>
And Jenny says, "AAAHHHH!!!!"
cause she doesn't understand, man.
that the animals got their own way of living in there.
They don't need detention rooms, man.
they don't need SCUD missles to blow people up man...
They're animals, man
and we say their uncivilized, man.
But they're having a party in there, man.

And I listened real close,
and I put my head to the floor and I heard,
<makes rhythmic animal noises>

And I said what does a lemur sound like? sounds like: <makes squirrel noises>
what's a cat sound like? <barks>
what's a spider sound like? <meows>
what's a cat sound like? <rattles>

they screwed up my signals, man.
they wanted me to be one of them -
in the house.

cause the animals run the house.
the animals run the house.
the animals run the house.

The animals run the house!

- Vic Ruggiero

and I know you'll make a wonderful mommy someday.
I just know it.

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