poem and letter never sent
2006-01-07 13:24:02 ET

And weeping she lays down ~ me

And weeping she lays down -
a human sacrifice to the King of Ska.
Each drumbeat mimics the gunshot -
each horn glints the sacrificial knife;
She lays motionless on the two-tone floor,
eyes mere pools of vacuous space,
bleeding silver from her halved soul.

Letter never sent ~ me

Could someone please explain to me how to live now that youíre gone? Maybe I can curl up inside the tempos of our music just to be close to you?
This has to be a sick joke Ė my life, shattered, misplaced, misguided. Who the hell am I going to dream with? Who else is going to listen to records with me; search through dusty boxes for the good stuff? Christ, the streets of New York have never been so lonely and hard. Iíd like to go to the city and lie on the pavement, sacrifice myself up to the god of pain just to feel the cityís rhythms and know that you existed. This is a trick! A rotten trick! Too many corners of Jersey have been left unexplored. Too many culdesacs of new York left unvisited! Philly not yet fully squeezed dry of its cultural juices! There are mountains to be climbed, rivers to be canoed, lakes to swim, hikes to take, songs to sing, bears to run from, pictures to take, poems to write, stars to see, moons to admire. We have dances to dance, roads to travel, concerts to attend, fields to explore, forests to traverse. Somewhere there is an ocean weíve not yet touched! We had the whole of America laid at our feet Ė our very own Thunder Road Ė cotton woods and deserts waited for us; warm Pacific breezes were holding their breath for our arrival. A home was waiting to be filled - with us Ė each room broken in Ė filled with smiles and safety. The whole world is weeping tonight for our lost visits. Who else will do all this?!
Tonight I cry for me and for all that we have lost. I cry for the children we may never beget. I cry for the places we may never see. I cry for the albums our fingers will never paruse. Iím crying for every concert we will attend alone, but together, and for every night our beds will be empty.
I want you home with me. This is stupid and senseless and no one can explain to me why if itís right it feels so bad. I want our life back. You complimented my soul perfectly and now, youíre gone. How am I supposed to live? What do I do with our albums, pictures, and moments saved from a lifetime?
Please darling, get better and find me. You are my everything. Donít let my hope be false. My heart keeps saying Ė he will come Ė he will find me. Please, my Darling Love, heal well; miss me while we are apart, think of me often. Keep my picture on the wall so you can remember. Think of me often so you donít forget and come for me when you can. I loved you always Ė in you I was complete. I loved you when we met. I loved you through this tragedy. I suspect that I will always love you. I know that it is Godís will that we be apart. I pray it is in His will for us to once again be whole. I am but half a person without you. Are you but half a person without me?

Forgive the narcissism, but I believe this song works both waysÖ.

Hell When Iím Gone

"The heat
grows inside of you
and you canít, no you canít
seem to find a way.

You struggle so hard
Just to try and be with me
But you canít seem to find a way

I keep you waiting so long
Ainít it hell when Iím gone?

For many days and many nights you waited
The minutes without me grow so long
When youíre alone
And I was
Yet your feelings for me stay so strong

I keep you waiting so long
Ainít it hell when Iím gone?

Baby, you know that since I touched you no other manís
Touch will do you right
mmmÖLate at night you just think about me
and the way, the way that I hold you
I said the way that I touch you
mmmÖthe caress of my fingers on your soft, soft skin
and thatís how I beginÖ

And I keep you waiting so long,
Ainít it hell when Iím gone?"
~King Django/Josh That/Radiation Kings

2006-01-07 14:39:27 ET

If he has changed you with warm windy mermories
of adventure exploration and discoveries
those will remain
color yor undertanding nd furure response

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